We Do Hard Things: And we live to tell about it

Last week I was sitting on my bed just in awe over this battle that I had fought and won with the school to get Elijah a printer for his ipad. You would have thought it would be easy, but the amount of red tape I had to cut through was alarming and after 6 months, and weekly meetings he finally got that printer! It was a sweet victory and I was reflecting on that when Elijah walked in.

He said, "Mama, I'm sorry that you had to fight so hard and that it took so long just to get me a printer." I smiled at him and said, "Buddy that's okay, it was a hard fight but it was worth it and you got what you needed and do you know why?"

Elijah looked up at me and said, "Yeah mama, I do. It's because We Do Hard Things."

And just like that... my work was done.

Over the past weeks, as I've been sharing with you this family motto, I have been amazed at how many of you have been using it. You've told me about your little victories and your massive life struggles. You've laughed, you've cried, you've opened up your heart and you've done it all in the name of 4 powerful words.  These words are the battle cry I'm hearing as some of you are heading to the hospital or just simply making it through the day.They are the words that you whisper when you feel near defeat or that you scream when you've finally seen the light at the end of the tunnel. It's not just what we say to ourselves, it's what we say to each other.

It came to me so clearly through a text message I sent to a friend of mine. I was telling her about having to put our beloved dog Sadie down. It was gut wrenching and terrible. And her response to me was "We Do Hard Things." I could just laugh and cry at the same time! When there is no right thing to say; what a response, what an encouragement.

And after that, I just knew I couldn't go another moment without it being on my wall for me to look at when I need it the most. A little 4 word pep talk on my wall. So I searched the internet over and came upon a lovely little etsy shop named RustiCreations owned by a doll of a woman named Laura. She made a custom, hand painted sign for me that I just absolutely love! Once she heard my story, OUR STORY really, she went even further and offered all of the warkymom followers an opportunity to get a custom made sign just like this one at HER SHOP.

Not only a custom sign, but also a 20% off coupon code for all you warkymom followers on ANY ORDERS in her shop. And guys, let me just tell you, there are some really amazing pieces in there!
She's a sweet mama from Nevada who's just doing hard things like the rest of us.
The coupon code for this amazing deal is: warkymomblog20 and it expires May 31, 2015 so if you need a little pep talk on your wall, now would be a good time to get one. P.s. Mother's Day is so close!

As you can see, I hung it up in a place of honor in my livingroom, where I fight my hardest battles and need the extra encouragement.

I just wanted to say Thank You to all of you who have shared your battles with me. There are moments in every person's life when they are in the trenches and it's been amazing to see how many trench buddies I have and how many of them are carrying their flags to victory! You guys truly inspire me and I am in awe over your love. Keep fighting guys... We Do Hard Things... we just do.

"Mama": A Mother's Day Tribute

It's been a difficult year for my mother. I have watched her go through so much with the death of my father. She has been brave and tried new things and has been through such grief and tremendous loss but has handled it with grace and dignity. Not only has she been a strong woman, but also a wonderfully supportive mother as she walked all of her children through this deep dark grief. When your children are grown, and your husband is gone, the mother's day lunches desist. There aren't nearly as many praises, or accolades at this point, you're lucky if you even get a phone call. But why is that? Just because your children are adults does not make you any less their mother. So on this Mother's day I would like to publicly acknowledge what a marvelous woman my mother is, and this poem that's just for her:

                                                      You'll Always be "Mama" to me
                                         When I was just a baby, and learning how to speak
                                         I would call you "Mama" and kiss you on the cheek.
                               When I took my first few steps, I would push your hands away
                              But you were always there to catch me, even if you couldn't say.

                                         "Mommy" was the next name I called you as I grew,
                                      I was gaining independence, but still really needed you.
                            You'd scare away the monsters, and kiss the boo boos on my knee.
                                 And you loved the hugs and kisses you'd always get from me.
                                    Every card I'd make for you was treasured and was dear,
                             but as the years began to pass, "Mommy" wasn't what you'd hear.

                             Soon "Moooooooom!" was what I'd scream from down the hall,
                             when I couldn't find my favorite shirt or needed money for the mall.
                                     Through helping me with algebra, or packing me a lunch,
                                  all you asked was "how's your day?" you didn't ask for much.
                                Instead I gave you groans and sass it wasn't what you'd expect.
                                    And I'm sad to say I didn't always treat you with respect.

                            And when I was finally old enough I left your nest and put up walls,
                                              I didn't call you anything, I didn't call at all.
                            I was finding myself in the great big world, I was pushing you away,
                                     Still you waited for me patiently, even if you couldn't say.

                                        Soon I wore a wedding dress and started a new life,
                                   "Mom" was what I'd call you, "teach me how to be a wife."
                                  One part woman, one part child we came to a compromise;
                                  I was learning you were right, you were learning to let me fly.

                                        And finally the day came when all your work paid off,
                                  They placed a baby in my arms and he was warm and soft.
                             Soon my house was full of babies; mess and kisses were my life,
                                    and I would call you "Mama" when I needed your advice.

                                          It's only now that I'm a mama that I can truly see
                                    Why I call you"Mama" and what "Mama" means to me.
                                     It's years of love and sacrifice and knowing when to pray,
                                     you've always had my back, even when you couldn't say.

                                   

Disneyland: The season of joy!

I know what you're thinking: Seriously, ANOTHER Disneyland post? But I promise, there is a story to this that's worth hearing.

 

The  countdown on my phone says 69 days. Which means, we've planned another trip to Disneyland. So what's so special about THIS trip you ask? Well, you'd have to understand what happened on the last one.....

 

Last year we planned the most amazing first time Disneyland trip for our little boys. We spent months researching, booking flights and hotels and planning out how we would do it. The week that we were set to go, my dad suddenly got ill and was in the hospital. For the last 7 years of my life my dad has been in and out of the hospital. Some months were good, some months were really bad but because he always got better, a trip to the hospital for him was quite normal. So we packed our suitcases and boarded an airplane.

 

The night before our big park excursion, I snuck into the bathroom while everyone was sleeping and had a nice long chat with God. I prayed about my dad and his health. I knew he was pretty sick and for the first time in my life, I told God that if he wanted to take my papa away from earth, that I wouldn't be mad at Him. I gave it to God, and then slipped into my bed and fell asleep.

 

The next day we watched as our little boys were introduced to the wonder and excitement of Disneyland. They oooohed and aaaahed at all the appropriate times, and I was there to capture pictures and video of their experiences. We spent one whole magical day in the park, and then crashed that night. Next came day 2. We had our Mickey ears on, our sunscreen was lathered and we hit Fantasyland early to catch a ride on Peter Pan. After a few hours making sure we got to the long lined rides early, we were on our way to California Adventure park. It was during that time that I called my mom to tell her about the day, and how Noah completely freaked out on the carosel ride. But when I called her, she sounded... different, like she was hiding something from me. I tried to coax it out of her but she could barely get the words out. I was too afraid to ask why.

 

So on our way past Fantasyland I asked Tim to call my aunt and find out what was really going on. It was right there that I found out the news, that moment when I heard that my dad was going to die; right there in the middle of Disneyland. All around me people were laughing and having so much fun. And my head was spinning. What should I do? Was this really happening? And my poor little guy Noah was going to turn 3 the next day. We planned on having a really special day for him. Now what was going to happen?

 

We made the long walk from Fantasyland to California Adventure and hiding behind my giant-rimmed sunglasses, I sobbed and held my breath and fell apart a few times. It was a very hard couple of hours where I couldn't really lose it completely because I didn't want the children to be alarmed. Nobody wants to get that call, the call that rocks their world for always; you especially don't want to get it while on vacation in the happiest place on earth. But I had to make Noah's day special and so I put my sadness in a box and locked it away. That last day we spent the whole day doing what Noah wanted to do. We climbed big treehouses, searched for buried treasure on pirate island and boarded a giant riverboat. We ended the day with ice cream for dinner (which he still remembers to this day). I loved having those moments with him.

 

But the sadness did eventually come. It rushed over me and envoloped me and Disneyland was nothing but a memory as the harsh reality of life took over.

 

When we were thinking about vacation this year, the only place I could think of was Disneyland. It is all my kids have slept, ate and talked about and it's the place where you can go and feel like a kid again. So, this next trip, during the anniversary of my dad's passing, we are going to enter those gates again and choose victory over defeat; joy over despair. I want to create new memories with my children, and laugh and play and not be sad- my dad wouldn't want it that way.

 I am going to wear a big tiara on my head and stroll through mainstreet with nothing but a smile on my face because my daddy is in a place where there is no more pain, or tears or sadness and I will be in the happiest place on earth to celebrate his homegoing. I'm gonna laugh, and dance, and sparkle and I'm going to claim JOY this year. I'm pretty sure it's going to be the best vacation EVER!

 

I can't wait to share it with you all!

Unspeakable Joy

If you asked me 3 weeks ago how I would describe this holiday season this year, the very last word I would have chosen would be joy. This, being the first Christmas since my father died, I was expecting a rather rough go of it. But God gave me an amazing gift this year: The Gift of Joy.

A few weeks back, I had really been feeling gloomy and incredibly nervous that Christmas morning would consist of me crying into a box of kleenex. So I asked some friends of mine to pray for me and I waited. During that process, my mom flew in to spend the holidays with us and brought my long lost dog Sadie (whom we seriously missed). The holidays began to get in full swing and as I sat down at our Christmas Eve Service alongside my mother I had this overwhelming sense of joy surround me. It was the most amazing feeling to be totally at peace and... happy, on Christmas morning. I couldn't believe what a miracle it was!

It was such an incredible blessing to be able to have my mom with me, sharing stories and talking about our hopes for the future. Christmas is always such an amazing season where we celebrate Christ, but this year I was blown away by the amount of great joy He allowed me to have and how easy it was to truly CELEBRATE!

God didn't allow me to just "survive" or "get by", He knew I needed so much more than that. And I was so pleasantly surprised by the great gift of His amazing and Unspeakable Joy. I am so looking forward to this new year of Jubilee God has in store.

My father, who art in heaven

Heaven is such a strange place to think about. So many people, in trying to comfort me about my father's recent death, tell me "He's happy and in a better place." And as much as it is comforting that he isn't in pain anymore, it's hard to be comforted by my dad being in heaven. The truth is, we really don't know what heaven is like.  We are told that heaven is a wonderful place, with streets of gold and your own mansion. We are told that we store up treasures in heaven, and that there is a great choir of angels who sing praises to God. But we don't know, not really for sure. And when I close my eyes and think about my dad, his voice, the way he laughed, his infectious personality, it's hard to think that all of those things don't exist in heaven. He's in a new body now, in a new place, and sometimes I wonder if I would even recognize him or if he would recognize me.

When I was a little girl, I used to ask my dad what heaven was like. He would say, "Erin, heaven is like a giant church picnic. All the people that you love are all in one place and you can eat all kinds of amazing food. You can have steak, and chicken, and chocolate pie and all the coke you can drink." As an adult, I'm not surprised that my dad associated heaven with food. But even now that I'm old enough to know better, I still can't help but picture my grandaddy, and my grandpa, and my friend Esther, and my Uncle Oc and my dad all sitting on a big blanket somewhere, eating an amazing spread of food and laughing at a funny joke my dad told. I imagine God, and Jesus and the Holy Spirit all sharing one enormous piece of cake.

But my view of heaven, and what I've been taught about it still leave me with this amazing sadness. It's hard to look up into the heavens and praise God sometimes. To praise him singing a song my dad loved, or taught me how to sing. It's hard to deal with the fact that now both my daddy's are in heaven. And sometimes, when I'm alone and I'm talking to God, I also talk to my dad. It's a confusing business having 2 heavenly fathers, and I admit that I am not at all used to it.

My baby boy accepted Christ into his heart last week. It was a moving and wonderful thing, and I had absolutely no one to tell. So I sat there, bawling my eyes out and thanking the Lord and trying to imagine the party that was happening in heaven. And all I wanted to do was call my dad, and hear what he thought. And I hoped, I really hoped that he was a part of the party. That he was standing up there just crying, the way he always did when moving things happened.

I don't know if he can hear me, or if he can see what's going on. I don't know if he hears Elijah plead with God to give Guy a parachute so he can fly back to California and live with us. I do, and it breaks my heart to have to tell him that there is no balloon that can go up and get Guy. But I'll keep talking to him, and we'll keep going on with life. And I know, that one day, I will see him again.

 
                                I know heaven must be a great place, because it's where my dad is.

Goodbye Daddy

2 weeks ago, I got a call that changed my life forever. It was my mom, and she told me I needed to fly out there to say goodbye to my dad, because he only had days to live. I had no time to really process that, as I quickly threw things in suitcases and tied loose ends and bought 5 airplane tickets to Atlanta. We left from Sacramento at 3am and flew with 3 kids in tow for 12 hours. It was during a break in flights that my dad's condition got even more critical. I was told that when I got off the plane, I would only have hours with my dad.

I cannot tell you what that feels like to get off an airplane and drive to a place where you will see your father for the last time. It's an eerily surreal feeling.

Oh yeah... I have a blog

Most of the time, when wonderful and awful things happen in my life, I am ready and able to blog about them. This time has been different. I just got back from the most amazing vacation with my family (which I will blog in detail about later) and then BAM suddenly got hit with this life-altering news. My dad has been sick for some time now, but he has recently been given some really bad news, and some pretty bad odds. I go back and forth in my head about whether to be realistic, or to have faith. The world tells us what the numbers, the facts, and the figures say. They give you percentages and you are asked to base your life around those.

This is what I know: as a child of God, I do not have to conform to the percentages and odds the world gives me. I can call upon the great Healer, my Jehovah. In times like this, I think of the story in the bible of the very sick woman who was absolutely desperate to try anything. So desperate, in fact, that when Jesus walked by her, she pushed through the crowds and just touched Jesus' robe. I can't imagine the kind of desperate situation she must have been in to in one last act, hold onto the bottom of somebody's clothing. But for whatever reason, she did. I love to imagine the kind look Jesus gave her as he turned around, so touched by her faith. What was it like for Jesus to look at you so touched? What was it like to hear him tell you that because you had faith in him, you were instantly freed of the pain and sickness you carried with you for so long?

I know that God can take my father, he has always been God's. And if He does, I will accept that it was His plan. But I am still holding onto the bottom part of His robe, having faith that no matter how many numbers and odds are thrown at me, it is certain that if God wills it, he can turn around and look into my father's eyes, and heal him instantly. I pray that He will.

A downhome kind of blog

I'm not sure there is anything greater in this world than watching your parents love on your children. It is a fantastic and wonderful gift that I cherish.

The last few weeks I've been MIA in the blog world because I've been visiting my parents down south. As you can imagine, I don't get to see them much, so I treasure the time I do. This time, I took Liv along with me. She got to eat southern barbeque, and drink her fair share of sweet tea. But it's the hours and hours spent cuddling, kissing and playing with her Guy and Nana that I believe she will take with her.

I got to watch my friend Bethany get married as well, and I was so excited, and honored, to be a part of her special day. I also spent the time visiting friends around Georgia. It's so funny to say that now. When I lived in Georgia, I really felt like I had no friends. Now that I'm here, it's strange to say it, but I actually have quite a few. Who knew?

I really am a California girl, I swear. But buried deep underneath the surface is a little southern belle who only shows her true colors when she's nestled in the North Georgia mountains. I feel safe here to let my hair down, and my accent creep back into everyday conversation. I try so very hard to keep it from coming out in California. Ofcourse sometimes I slip. Anyways, I digress. It's been such a fun thing to be able to show my daughter the south, and I'm not gonna lie, 2 weeks off of dishes and laundry duty has been nice as well. Oh Georgia, it's strange to say how much I've missed you.

A baby shower of love

This is my best friend Lauren. She's weathered life's great storms alongside of me, and I am thankful for her. She has been hoping, praying and trying to have a baby for several years and in December she found out that it was finally her turn to have one! I was thrilled. Ofcourse that sprang me into baby shower planning mode. It's a place I've been for about 7 months now, and on Saturday I was so happy to be a part of Lauren's special day.

The thing I loved about her shower was making her a part of the mom circle and sharing with her some motherly wisdom and encouragement and just a time of prayer and reflection for this baby love.

We have laughed, and cried, and been excited and been nervous about this baby. It's just so amazing to see her glowing and so overjoyed to become a mommy. She's going to be so great at it. I love that she tolerates my crazy... I think it's preparing her for motherhood quite nicely.

Baby Sharkey, I cannot WAIT to see you and be your crazy Aunt Erin that let's you stay up way too late and sneaks you some ice cream when your mama isn't looking!

The Day I turned Five....again

There are so many times I dreamed about going to Disneyland in my life, I've completely lost count. It's an experience I wondered if I would ever get. The day I walked into the park I honestly could not BELIEVE it. Tim promised me by hook or by crook he was going to get me there. He's always so good at trying to make all my dreams come true. Standing in front of a castle I'd seen a million pictures of was incredible. Riding all the rides I'd dreamed of riding as a little girl was surreal. Spending time with people who understood the meaning of lost childhood dreams, and being on cloud nine was so impactful. They cheered with me as I walked through the gates, they laughed with me as I rode the teacups, and they cried alongside me as I watched the fireworks show.

Yes this was the day that taught me that "no matter how your heart is grieving, if you keep on believing, the dream that you wish WILL come true." Yes, it really happened.

The essence of being cool

Not so long ago, the only thing these boys would be holding in their hands on a Saturday night would be a cold beer. ...

Now, babies have invaded our lives. Every get together, every event, is filled with the sounds of squealing, burping, and temper-tantrums.....Oh, and the kids are loud too!

Last night, in the midst of one such event, I sat at a table surrounded by little children; faces covered in ketchup, hands sticky from fruit, hair sticking up in all directions, stains on their shirts and it made me wonder; when did our gatherings become so kid-centered?

As I scanned the room, there wasn't ONE adult who didn't have a kid in-tow. There wasn't a conversation that didn't revolve around dirty diapers, feeding schedules, or parenting tips. And I just thought to myself, "Huh, we used to be cool.... what happened?"

Though, in true form, amidst the sounds of little feet and tiny giggles, there was some cool emo-rock playing in the background. Which just totally cracked me up. Like we were willing to give up our cool factor on every account, except for music. I guess somehow that still made me feel like I was still happening.

Though I am sure in about 7 years time, our kids will all roll their eyes at our "cool" music, letting us know just how officially uncool we are. It's amazing how much 2 years has changed my life. And just how adult I have become. Crazy.

You know you're a parent when....

Yep, they're parents.

You know when you see a little kid ride a bike for the first time, or learn to tie their shoe and you think... when did that happen? That's the sort of surreal feeling I got this week when John and Maribeth stayed with us. Watching John swaddle his daughter and make her stop crying in 2.5 seconds, and watching Maribeth changing a pint-sized diaper it really did make me think "huh... they're parents... when did that happen?"

Not that I doubted them or anything, I think it was that I realized the change in 2 people when they become parents. How one day they are just 2 people, and the next they are parents. It's crazy and really unexplainable until you experience it.


Our house was filled with the sounds of little Charity. I must admit, it was quite nice to have a girl around. Doesn't Tim look fetching with her? Another way you can spot a parent: when they voluntarily will change and comfort a baby that is not their own. It was so cute to see Tim leap into action when John asked him to finish changing Charity. And to watch him rock her back and forth until she stopped crying. It's funny, if you were to ask him 2 years ago to do that, he probably would have run away. I love the confidence I see in his parenting abilities.

So here we are, 2 married couples; 4 friends. Here we are 8 years later.... parents. It's a strange and wonderful bond that really does change you forever. I love it, and I love seeing them in it.

Death and all of his friends

 I just found out that someone I cared about passed away today. That's been happening a lot lately. Influential people, people that God has used in my life in different ways have gone.

I hate sickness, I hate death. I hate that sometimes Jesus calls people home too soon, or maybe it's just too soon for me.

 Sometimes I look up at the clouds and I think about all of the people that I have loved and lost that are up there right now, dancing at his feet. I tell Him "Take care of them for me please Jesus, tell them I love them." And then I tell myself that they are probably too busy partying up there to care about a message from me, but it helps sometimes.

I will miss you Holly.... you were loved.

Ode to a friend on a very special day

This is my good friend John. I met him when I was 18 years old.

I've had the priveledge of growing up with him. I've watched him fail miserably, and succeed triumphantly in various stages of his life. I've seen him cry, I've seen him laugh, I've smelled his farts and witnessed his horrible temper when he loses a game. John is for all intents and purposes my brother.

I love that he considers Tim and I his family. I love that he was there on our first date. I love that he has brought all the girls he has ever dated to our house for "closer inspection". I love that he found Maribeth... and that we love her so much. 

I will always kick myself for not being able to be there for his wedding, or to see him walk at graduation and finally get that diploma.

Today, John Michael Hinton called me to tell me that he is taking his beautiful wife to the hospital where he will become a father for the first time. I am beaming. I am so proud of John for who he has become. I can see that he is ready for this new stage in life, and it's so neat to see it unfolding. I know that Charity isn't really my neice, but I have the excitement that an aunt would have; waiting with baited breath for any news of her birth.

A real sister could not be prouder of her brother right now. Congratulations John, welcome to fatherhood!

Good friends and band pics

Don't you just love those friends that have known you forever? You know, the ones that were friends with you when you were in 7th grade and a total nerd? That's what Chad & Ruth are to us.

I think it's great how supportive they are and how familiar. But I also love that they don't mind having their pictures taken and that they humored us in our mini photo shoot. Though, as you will see, Chad did cross his arms a lot. That's cool, I think it just makes him look "tough".
Personally, I think we look like we should DEFINITELY form a band. Even if it was just a band filled with kazoos and tamborines.

The pictures are too band-like not to. And seeing as I am always wanting to start a band, I feel the need to declare us one. So, I hereby declare us: K-FAB.Not for any particular reason except that it sounds like K-Love and maybe because our name sounds so similar, they would be gracious and let us play at Spirit West Coast.So, if you are planning on going to Spirit West Coast this year, look for us, K-FAB, in concert. We won't have one of those cool tents or anything, but we will sure bring the joys of kazoo playing to all surrounding port a potties.

Big sister reflections

This is my baby sister Katelyn. The first time they placed her in my arms I was 7 years old and as I looked at her tiny body I thought that there wasn't a little girl alive as beautiful as her. She's 19 now, and I still think that.

I think being a big sister trains you for motherhood. You learn how to change dirty diapers, and to get them away from hot irons and burning stoves. You protect them from bullies at school, and tell them all about boys.The cool thing about being a big sister as opposed to being a mom is that you get to hear secrets they would never tell mom. You get to have sleepovers in your room and stay up late giggling about silly things that moms just wouldn't get. You get to bail them out of trouble and defend them when no one else can, and you get to beat down the door of the boy that breaks their heart.I love the nickname that only I have for her, and the history I have of her entire life. I would never trade being a big sister.... EVER.

So close....

So I drove down to Sacramento yesterday to take my neice Emily to a Kelly Clarkson concert. I took her because my sister-in-law is 9 months pregnant and very close to giving birth.

So I had fun with Emily... we rocked out. Then I came back and talked to Tracy (my SIL) for a while. I decided that Eli and I would drive the 2 hours home at 12:30am. I dunno why, I guess I just wanted to sleep in my own bed.

Well, this morning my brother-in-law called to tell me that my little neice was born this morning! Tracy went into labor just hours after I left. I was sooo pissed.

Well Savannah Lynnay... welcome to the world. Sorry that I missed your birth, but I did enjoy the Kelly Clarkson concert!

Maybe the best birthday ever

Maybe the best birthday ever!

So I know on your birthday you're supposed to mourn the loss of another year and grimace at turning a year older. But this year, the passing of age was much easier thanks to such a great birthday!

My family were great- singing happy birthday to me periodically throughout the day. My brother brought me flowers and a balloon. My sister wrote Happy Birthday all over my car. My dad gave me a "Happy Birthday" pavorotti style where I work. My office gave me a giant cookie cake. My aunt and mom took me out to lunch and my husband took me to dinner and a movie.

But some of the best part of my birthday was the wonderful birthday wishes I got from all of you guys out there in myspaceland. Living in a place where you don't have any friends can make you kinda lonely sometimes (especially on your birthday) but today was great because all the people I care about, remembered my special day! So thanks guys for making my 25th a great birthday instead of a quarter life crisis!!!!!

I will try

I just found out today that someone who used to be a very good friend of mine became a daddy on May 14th. Do you know how I found out? I had to google him. It's father's day, and he's a dad.... and I can't even tell him how happy I am for him.

How do we get to this point? How is it that you can go from knowing someone so well, divulging your life to them, being vulnerable about your hopes and dreams and fears and disappointments to never hearing from them again? I hate it when people say it's because we grow up and move on. The thing is, yes we do grow up, yes we do move on. But do we not still have hopes and dreams and fears and disappointments? Just because they change, doesn't mean we can no longer share them. Cominalities fade, but basic human principles never leave.

I had a few friends, people whom I cared about dearly. We talked, we laughed, we blared music loudly in the car and danced like freaks- then one day we stopped talking. I dunno why, we just stopped.We lost touch.. moved to different places, changed addresses, phone numbers and even email addresses without ever telling the other person.

And now, the only way I can ever know what is going on in their lives is by googling them. My heart is sad cause..... I miss them. I genuinely screwed it up I think... just by not picking up the phone and calling. And now, it's too late. They're gone.

I have often said that when I am old and have alzheimer's I will feel terribly bad for my family, because I know that my brain will go back to my friends. To the time when we were carefree. To the time of Noah, Matt, David, Mikyla, Beccy and Gee.

I will leave you with the words of Coldplay:

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try and fix you