We Do Hard Things: ending the whiny mommy bloggers

Greetings readers!
I have been on blog radio silence for a while. I'd love to say that it's because I'm so "terribly busy" but the truth is, it's because something has been stirring inside me that I've been wanting to write about for months, but haven't had the courage to. You see... I have a bit of a confession to make and it's a little controversial and a whole lot self incriminating. Here goes. I can't stand mommy whiner blogs.  

But Erin, you are a mommy blogger. Oh yes, I am fully aware of it. Hence the blog silence. Let me back up a minute and say that I don't dislike mommy bloggers and I do think that there are some blogs out there that are very helpful to mothers  searching for someone who feels just like them, someone who can validate their feelings. To those blogs, I bare no ill-will. No, I'm talking about a specific group of mommy blogs: the mommy whiner blogs. 

I am a believer in empowering each other, encouraging people. I am a believer in giving voice to your thoughts and feelings, I am a believer in being real about your life and in giving grace to others who are real about their lives. What I am NOT a believer in, is when you use your life's circumstances to excuse your unwillingness to move forward; to work on being a better you.

This whole thing started on facebook. I had gone through a particularly bad couple of weeks in the trenches of motherhood and as I would scroll through my newsfeed there would be blog link after blog link with titles like "Why I don't take my sensory kid to church" and "What not to say to a mom of special needs". For some reason, this really irritated me. 

Some facebook friends would post things like "This is so me guys." And then would link to this lady who was just making excuses about how hard her life was. There was no epiphany at the end, there was no challenge to work on, there wasn't even a way the writer would let you relate to them. It was all very much, a "this is why you will NEVER understand why it's so hard to be me" alienating diatribe.  I mean, I have 2 kids with special needs, I could throw down a whiner blog like nobody's business. Maybe I had done that. Had I done that? Suddenly I felt icky. Oh no, had I unknowingly become a mommy whiner?

 I thought about the whole reason why I started blogging in the first place. It wasn't to get thousands of hits, to make money,  or to go on trips. It wasn't to be featured in magazines or exalted for the most amazing and wonderful person that we all hope people think we are when we blog. I started writing because I enjoyed being authentic, and raw and real. I am terrible at talking about my feelings to people in real life. But somehow, alone  (or sometimes in a room full of kids) on a computer, I could say exactly how I felt. I could be exactly who I was. My blog gave me the freedom to say what was on my mind and to talk about the struggles I faced as a human being. Most of the time, those struggles are about being a mom because.... well that's what is important to me. There are challenges as a mother, there are obstacles. You never know if you're doing the right thing, or if you're making huge mistakes. You feel isolated, you feel doubt, you feel joy, you feel incredible love. Those are the things I like to write about. All of it.What I don't like about whiny mommy bloggers are the fact that they tell you how hard it is to do certain things and THAT'S why they don't do them.

 In my family we have a saying: We Do Hard Things. How can I look at my son who has trouble buttoning his pants, or tying his shoes and say to him "Son, I know those things are hard for you. It's so hard so just never mind. Don't do it."? I have to lead by example. I have to show him that whatever you find challenging or difficult, you still have to DO. Because the world will not just give you grace because things are hard. We do hard things. 

Fact: Taking my sensory kid to church is one of the hardest things I do all week....but I do it anyway. Fighting for my kid to get all of the therapy and medical attention he needs is hard....but I do it anyway. Sometimes getting up and getting your kids dressed is the hardest thing... but you do it anyway. Maybe going to work and kissing your babies goodbye is just the hardest...but you do it anyway. Why do you do it? Because...well because you have to. You can't just give up. It's ok to be upset about it. It's ok to want to quit. It's ok to even whine about it. But eventually, you have to put your big girl blog panties on and...do it the freak anyways.

I have a whole bunch of bright hot pink business cards. Right now they say:                     Erin Warkentin
                           freelance writer * blogger

Perhaps I need to be more specific, maybe a reprint is in order. What it should say is:           Erin Warkentin
                              freelance writer * whiner blogger

Forgive me if I've whined without giving hope, without trying to better myself, without picking myself up and continuing to just keep swimming, just keep swimming. If I've been that to you, I'm sorry. It has become one of my biggest pet peeves and I refuse to let my blog become my crutch for inactivity or lame behavior. 

Let's not settle for whineyness (is that even a word?) Let's become cheerleaders, and motivators. Does that mean that I will only ever write positive blogs from now on? Heck no. That wouldn't be real life now would it? It means I will write the good with the bad, as it comes wave on wave and that I promise not to enable my readers; my friends, to be inactive or to use their life circumstances as excuses. 

Chant with me friends:

Life is Hard...we do it anyways. 
We Do Hard Things.

Facebook Stalkers

Recently I was at a get together where I saw some old friends of mine that I hadn't seen in a while. As I was talking to them, and filling them in on the happenings in my life, they politely interrupted me with a casual "Oh I know... I saw that on facebook."

 Interesting what facebook can do to a relationship. Particularily with acquaintances or casual friends. You know, the ones you don't see often?  Basically, the very little information you post whether it be about the weather, or what you ate for lunch, or this funny thing that happened to you, takes away almost all of your ability to relate that cool story to someone you don't talk to. What it gives you is very little, if nothing, to talk to them about. So you're just left awkwardly standing there trying to think of something to talk about that you DIDN'T post on facebook.

As we continued on in the conversation, I asked this friend if they knew so much about me on facebook, how come I knew nothing about what was going on in their life? Their response, "Oh me? No, I don't post anything, I mostly just look at other people's stuff."

This is a common trend on facebook. It's what I affectionately call, the facebook stalker. This is a person who wants to know what is going on in people's lives, but they don't care to interact with anyone or divulge any information about themselves. They want to comfortably view people's lives without them having to be involved in them. If you think about it though.... that's kind of what stalkers do.

I kind of understand this person. I mean, I try to understand them. But as I thought about it further I began to wonder if they really were a "friend" or just someone who wants to view my life? I thought about all the people whom I was posting personal things to on facebook. How many of those people did I actually talk to? Connect with?  And I decided... you know where a good place to view my life is? This blog! You can google it any old time you want.

I guess what I'm saying is.......

National Unfriend Day (NUD)

So, though my children are my world, I feel it is my DUTY to continue to keep up with what's going on in the rest of the world. So, during one of the MANY late night feedings I started watching Jimmy Kimmel live. He announced last week a self-proclaimed National Unfriend Day on November 17th. What is this day you ask? It's a day in which you take all the facebook "friends" that aren't actually your friends and you unfriend them.

Annoyed with the person who posts status updates every 5 seconds? Unfriend them. What about the person who keeps asking for animals on farmtown? Unfriend them. Then there's the uber annoying person you were never really friends with in high school but out of courtesy you accepted their friend request. Unfriend them. The point is, it's supposed to be a massive purge of facebook "friends" that are just uneeded. Some people have said that this is really mean and that people will take it personally. Jimmy's response? That's why we do it ALL TOGETHER, and then it won't be so offensive. Because, hey, it's National Unfriend Day.

So I have truly debated doing this. I go back and forth on this subject because truth be told, if I'm annoyed with the person I usually just "hide" them. And then I don't have to look at their "drunken at 2am" photo albums, or hear their raves about the last episode of Glee. But then again, it might be nice to only have ACTUAL friends on facebook. You know, the old fashioned kind, the ones who really ARE your friends.

I have seen many a friend go through "friend purges" before making bold statements like, "I hope you make the cut. But if you don't hear from me again... you'll know why." I find that to be just a little too abraisive. No need to smite people. Afterall, it's just facebook.

Whatever the reason, I must say I find this idea fascinating and am curious just how widespread it becomes. Who knows, I may even be a participant. We'll just have to wait and see....