To my baby girl on her first day of kindergarten

Dear Olivia,
I cannot tell you how hard it was to say goodbye to you today. I knew this day was coming. I thought about it, prepared for it, prayed through it, worried over it all summer. Finally today was the day that my baby girl left the nest. What a bittersweet day.

Sometimes I wonder what you will think of our decision to put you into transitional kindergarten. I think about this one year and how if you do well, you will move up to first grade and if you need more time you will stay in kindergarten. And basically, that will dictate the rest of your life if you are younger than all your classmates, or older. I have thought about this since before you were born; looking at your birthdate on the calendar, wondering how we would navigate this tricky October birthday you have. I have no way of knowing how this decision will change your life, all I can do is go with my gut and do my best and hope it turns out alright.

You, my sweet girl, are such a bright sunshine in my life. You have fought adversity, obstacles and big brothers and have turned into this very caring, sweet joy to be around little girl. I am going to miss that sunshine in my life each day as you shine in the world and not beside me. I wonder Olivia if you know what a treasure you are to me? What a gift it has been to have your sassy personality in my life? To hear the funny things you come up with, to watch your face light up when you come up with the perfect outfit. Your style is so unique.

Over the summer I've also watched as your natural musical ability has become more evident. Your ability to harmonize to any song (even songs you've never heard before) just blows me and your daddy away. We listen to you pick out the parts, feel it in your bones and sing in beautiful, clear tones and it just melts us. You have a gift- one that cannot be taught, but only given to you by God. You have such gifts, and such a great personality I am loving watching you grow.

I have no idea what this year will bring you, but I know my girl that you were built for this. I know that you are ready- even if I'm not. And I support your growing- I don't want to hold you back.
So I sit here, wiping away the tears and smiling that my baby girl is finally with the big kids, in a place that she can shine. I cannot wait to see what this year holds for you, my sweet Olivia.

Love,
Your mama

We Do Hard Things: And we live to tell about it

Last week I was sitting on my bed just in awe over this battle that I had fought and won with the school to get Elijah a printer for his ipad. You would have thought it would be easy, but the amount of red tape I had to cut through was alarming and after 6 months, and weekly meetings he finally got that printer! It was a sweet victory and I was reflecting on that when Elijah walked in.

He said, "Mama, I'm sorry that you had to fight so hard and that it took so long just to get me a printer." I smiled at him and said, "Buddy that's okay, it was a hard fight but it was worth it and you got what you needed and do you know why?"

Elijah looked up at me and said, "Yeah mama, I do. It's because We Do Hard Things."

And just like that... my work was done.

Over the past weeks, as I've been sharing with you this family motto, I have been amazed at how many of you have been using it. You've told me about your little victories and your massive life struggles. You've laughed, you've cried, you've opened up your heart and you've done it all in the name of 4 powerful words.  These words are the battle cry I'm hearing as some of you are heading to the hospital or just simply making it through the day.They are the words that you whisper when you feel near defeat or that you scream when you've finally seen the light at the end of the tunnel. It's not just what we say to ourselves, it's what we say to each other.

It came to me so clearly through a text message I sent to a friend of mine. I was telling her about having to put our beloved dog Sadie down. It was gut wrenching and terrible. And her response to me was "We Do Hard Things." I could just laugh and cry at the same time! When there is no right thing to say; what a response, what an encouragement.

And after that, I just knew I couldn't go another moment without it being on my wall for me to look at when I need it the most. A little 4 word pep talk on my wall. So I searched the internet over and came upon a lovely little etsy shop named RustiCreations owned by a doll of a woman named Laura. She made a custom, hand painted sign for me that I just absolutely love! Once she heard my story, OUR STORY really, she went even further and offered all of the warkymom followers an opportunity to get a custom made sign just like this one at HER SHOP.

Not only a custom sign, but also a 20% off coupon code for all you warkymom followers on ANY ORDERS in her shop. And guys, let me just tell you, there are some really amazing pieces in there!
She's a sweet mama from Nevada who's just doing hard things like the rest of us.
The coupon code for this amazing deal is: warkymomblog20 and it expires May 31, 2015 so if you need a little pep talk on your wall, now would be a good time to get one. P.s. Mother's Day is so close!

As you can see, I hung it up in a place of honor in my livingroom, where I fight my hardest battles and need the extra encouragement.

I just wanted to say Thank You to all of you who have shared your battles with me. There are moments in every person's life when they are in the trenches and it's been amazing to see how many trench buddies I have and how many of them are carrying their flags to victory! You guys truly inspire me and I am in awe over your love. Keep fighting guys... We Do Hard Things... we just do.

WE DO HARD THINGS: You're Not A Bad Mom

I've recently listened to a podcast called Invisibillia. In an episode, it talked about a study on how blind children, if left to explore and were not coddled, could end up doing amazing things like climbing trees, riding bikes and basically..well basically everything. But because of the way the world sees blindness as a disability, we are programmed to help them, to do things for them. That made me think. A lot.

In my house, my kids do not naturally "try new things". In fact, most of the time, I have to drag them kicking and screaming.

One of the harder things I have to do right now, is to convince my son who has bilateral radial aplasia (both arms missing radius bones and fingers) that he is perfectly capable of putting on his jackets and buttoning up his pants. Fact: I am not totally convinced that he is perfectly capable of it. I have to teach myself not to say that to him. Part of my training, is to repeat over and over to him that he can do it. And then, the second part of my training (and by far the most painful part of it) is that I make myself stand there and watch him struggle. I encourage him. When he whimpers and whines and says "Mommy I can't do it. I tried but I can't." It makes me sick to my stomach, and with a lump in my throat I say "Yes you can baby. You can do it." I give him tips, I cheer him on, I ball my hands into fists and scrunch my toes and try with all my might to NOT do it for him. It's agony and each time we are finished with that terrible exercise, I usually go into another room and sob.

I would love to say that it is because my kid is "special" that makes my pain so much more tangible. That is FALSE. All parents go through challenging times in their kids lives. But it's so important for us to hold that line. I hate making him work so hard and hearing him so frustrated. But I know that the day that he learns to tie his shoes is going to be so much sweeter because we worked so hard to get there.

Last night, when I was being a "consistent parent" and making my daughter clean her room, she wailed so loudly that I said the typical thing that one says when they feel they are torturing their child. I said "I am SUCH a bad mom."

 But as I said it, my seven-year-old looked up at me and asked me why I thought that. I said that it was so hard sometimes to make your kids do things that are hard, especially when they cry. It makes me feel bad.

He looked right at me and without a pause said, "Mama, you are NOT a bad mom." I smiled and said thanks and then he said, "No mama, do you know that? Do you know that you are not a bad mom?"
As if that couldn't just melt you into a puddle, he was saying it while he was doing a chore. A CHORE people! I hadn't even bribed him.

Pushing my kids to do hard things might just be the toughest part of my job. It is tiring. It is ear piercing. It's unsettling. It's so so frustrating. And, if I do my job right, it will be totally thankless. But even though I push them, I know (if not gently reminded by my sweet little boy) that I am NOT a bad mom for doing that. Sure they may yell at me. They may scream and whine and bang on the wall. But making them do hard things doesn't make me a bad mom. We do Hard Things. And, with any luck, that will stick with them.

Do you struggle to hold a line? Do you feel discouraged about how hard it is? Do you feel like the bad guy? I'm telling you now... YOU ARE NOT A BAD MOM. You aren't.
Whatever battle you are fighting, whatever line you are holding, whatever hard thing you are making your kids do... know that these things don't make you a bad mom...they make you a good one.