A Bittersweet Decision

I'll be honest, I haven't blogged recently because I have been going through a major issue with Noah. I've debated on whether or not to blog about it, as it is such a personal thing. But I wanted to be open and honest about my struggles as a mom, so here it is.. I'm just gonna lay it all out there.Noah is 6 months old today. I have nursed him since birth and I never had a problem with it. Until about 4 weeks ago when he got more and more hungry and I got less and less milk. I went to nutritionists, nurses, and specialists. I went to the Breast Feeding Support Center. Everyone was great, and gave me lots of help. But the more time that went by, the less and less milk I would have. After taking supplements, and sacrificing sleep, and doing everything under the sun that I knew how to do, I finally took him to his pediatrician.

At 6 months old, my little Noah weighs 10 lbs and 2 ounces. A very tiny and very terrifying weight. She felt that it would be best to switch him to formula and supplement with breastmilk. This kind of shook me. Most people I know have comforted me, helping me to remember that he will gain weight and that's what's most important right now. They talk about how I have fought and tried so hard to do the right thing and that I can be proud of that fight.

But I still can't help but feel like a total failure. I feel like maybe if I would have just gotten less sleep, or pumped more times. Women are just built to have guilt over this. Why are these two insignificant parts of your body tied to such emotion? I never realized how sad I would be when he stopped breastfeeding. I am such an emotional wreck right now.

Since he's been on formula, he has started thriving. He's a much better eater, less fussy and more full. I can already see him gaining weight. I know that it was the right decision to make. I just wish sometimes that the right decisions weren't bittersweet ones.

Inspiration from the strangest source

So, by now if you know me you will notice that I am a Twilight fan. I really enjoy the books, and have read them over and over. But I recently heard the author Stephenie Meyer's backstory about how she came to write the book, and it was so compelling.

She said she dreamed one night about a girl talking to a vampire and went to her computer and wrote about it. This intrigued me, what an interesting way to start a book. She never intended to finish it, or even share it with anyone. She just wanted to finish the dream.

Here's the cool part: Stephenie has 3 very young boys. She spent about 4 months writing the first book. She wrote it during the day most days with one child sitting on her lap, another at her knee and Blues Clues blasting in the backround. When I heard that, I laughed out loud. That sounds EXACTLY like my day. In fact, as I type this blog I have one sitting on my lap.
She was just a mom, living her life and using her imagination. With a lot of encouragement from family and friends, she decided to send it to a publisher.


It made me think about my life right now. It consists of cheerios and diapers and laundry and yet I have such an active imagination. I think of all the songs I have written that I one day want to put in a record album, I think of all the movies I have tried to make, and all the books I have written in my head. And all of those things I have done only for myself. But they are dreams, silly dreams if you ask me and I never work on making those dreams come true. It feels childish and ridiculous. Even when I say it out loud sometimes I hear people snicker. I mean, I'm a mom I'm supposed to be mature.

But I love what Stephenie said about it. She said she wrote this book and had all these screaming fans who go to signings and premieres and it's such a big deal. And then she comes home and she's just mom. She really inspired me to be, well, me. So the next time I dream a big dream, I really am going to try harder not to feel silly or stupid but to follow my heart and use my creativity to see where that gets me.

Halloween wrap-up

Still recovering from our crazy Halloween. My neices came up and stayed with us- Eli loved it. I worked on the Harvest Carnival which kicked my butt. The boys drove their father to his breaking point as he had to get them both ready by himself. It was awesome.


They weren't fans of the Harvest Carnival, but they were super huge fans of the dinner afterwards. I come from a long line of non-Halloween celebraters. Growing up, we used to have alternative Halloweens. So this year, I decided to combine the two and it worked out awesome.

It's a Reibsome family tradition every Halloween to go to Red Robin. There were lots of giggles and french fries and fun was had by all. Then it was off to the Pagans house for an exciting trick-or-treating experience. It was super fun to watch Elijah waddle around in his little costume.

Ofcourse we had to put the kids to bed, then the adults ate candy and watched Texas Chainsaw Massacre. It was off the hook.

I got my party on, but I am still recovering.

Government Programs for Children- what's out there.

When your baby comes out of you differently than you pictured, there isn't really a manual for how to deal with it. And they certainly don't take the time to point out what kind of programs there are out there for your child's health and development. Over the course of 2 years and 2 kids, I have researched and applied for a lot of programs and I wanted to share what I found to help educate others and promote advocacy for your child.


First up is Shriner's Hospital. http://www.shrinershq.org/
The one in Sacramento helps burn victims, spina-bifida, all sorts of hands and feet and legs and arm problems for children under the age of 18. They have very skilled, and very experienced surgeons, geneticists, and specialists who work in such specialized fields that they are much more qualified than regular surgeons. Their anesthesiologists only work on children, which means that they are even more sensitive to a tiny child's needs. This puts my mind at ease. The best part is, that if you are accepted your child's treatment is completely free until they turn 18! This is the first thing I applied for, as it was a more well-known hospital. But UC Davis Medical Center (across the street) also is an excellent facility and often share doctors with Shriner's.

Next is SSI. Supplemental Security Income. http://www.ssa.gov/pgm/links_ssi.htm
It's a government funded program that, if your child qualifies for, can provide extra money to assist with your family's needs. This helps out a lot if you are taking a lot of trips to the hospital and working on treatments.

Then there is CCS (California Children Services).
http://www.dhcs.ca.gov/services/ccs/Pages/default.aspx
This is a really great state-funded program that helps children in 2 ways; as a supplemental insurance and also as a therapy treatment facility. For Elijah, we were able to get into the program for therapy and treatment. They also work on his braces and supply any utensils and specially made devices that assist in his development.

For Noah, they assisted in his insurance. Because he was a Preemie, Noah had to stay in the NICU for 4 days. That ended up being about $20k. We applied for CCS because he was a preemie, and he qualified. They paid for his ENTIRE stay. Once you qualify for CCS, you are also eligible to qualify for medi-cal.People, this is a seriously amazing program totally worth looking into.

Ofcourse, there is Medi-Cal. http://www.medi-cal.ca.gov/
If your child qualifies for it, it can pay for all your child's medical expences and acts as an insurance. In our case, we have medical insurance, so we use Medi-Cal as a secondary insurance. When I was pregnant with Elijah, we used it as a primary insurance and it covered everything. In Redding, a lot of doctors don't like to deal with Medi-Cal, but Dr. Lagoc accepts patients that have Medi-Cal as a secondary insurance. If you are a family on a tight budget, I highly reccomend applying for this program. You shouldn't have to keep your child from going to the doctor because you can't afford it.

Also there is Shasta Head Start. http://www.shastaheadstart.org/
This is a North State program, but there are other Head Start programs just like this all over the country. If you're not in Redding, I encourage you to look into this. This is an educational program that helps children from 0-3 years old through developmental therapy. They come to your home and work with your kids once a week. It's a great program because they can help you in such a wide variety of ways from playing, to speech, to development issues, to nutrition. They even sent a nurse to my house to help me with feeding Noah. They work on treating the WHOLE child, not just the one area that they are behind. They have really grown to be Elijah's good friends, and I am so thankful for this program. More to blog about this later.

Another great group is Rowell Family Empowerment. http://www.rfenc.org/index.php
It's an advocacy group for families with children with special needs. It's actually a great program that helps you deal with the education system and provides assistance and support as your child grows. It also helps maintain California laws regarding children with special needs.

There are so many more programs that I am probably not familiar with, I just wanted to list these services so that people knew what was available for their children. We are the only advocates our children will ever have.

Pumpkin Patch

Had to add some pictures of the fam in the pumpkin patch. I've really been getting more creative in the picture editing, so I thought I'd share. This was Noah's first trip and he was a lot more cooperative than I thought he would be. He wasn't a fan of getting his picture taken, but what kid is really?

I'm a real boy

So Elijah has been walking around for a few weeks now. It's a different world. And with walking, has come a lot of babbling and conversation but nothing with actual tangible words.

Just this last week Noah has become, well a real person. For so long he's been this crying, eating, pooping little ball and now all of a sudden he has come alive. We often use the phrase "I'm a real boy" from Shrek to describe the transformation. It really is quite something how babies turn into people overnight.

Lately Tim has been trying to get Noah to smile. They have played a game together where Tim will say "hiiiiiii" to Noah for hours on end and it always makes him laugh. Because of the repitition of this word, Elijah has learned to also say hi. It's something we have waited ever-so-long to hear and it has finally come. So naturally I had to get it all on film.

It's been a big month for my boys.

Black Eyed Peas

Tim says that the Black eyed peas write music for dumb people. I am not sure what to think of that statement as I often find myself tapping my toes to the song. Though really, sometimes the lyrics are ridiculous. And watching Fergie dance around half naked and that weird Indian guy do strange karate moves is not exactly appealing to me. Even so, I actually had the brilliant idea tonight of re-creating a black eyed peas song that seems to get stuck in my head quite often.

Tonight, Tim and I sat with the guitar and wrote an acoustic song to "I've got a feeling". It was reminiscent of a Damien Rice song. Written in a 6/8 time signature (coincidentally Tim's favorite time signature)I was actually pretty happy with the end result. Though I did still have to use the phrase "Tip up my cup, Mozaltov" because it was too strange not to include. One day I will record this masterpiece and let the world hear, but for now I am content just to blog about it.

We would like to call it "What I've got a feeling SHOULD have been".