Taking Back Father's Day

When I was a kid, Father's Day was all about making a craft out of popsicle sticks and  a special card  expressing all the ways in which I loved my dad. He would, of course, read every misspelled word incorrectly that started down a 20 year path of him calling it Fat-hers day. It was simple, it was important.

Then.... I became an adult. I began to see just how complicated a holiday like Father's Day became.

When my husband became a dad, I started to see just how heated the debate became about how to celebrate it. Instead of taking time out of a church service to recognize all of the dads out in the congregation, it became a solemn, reflection time out of respect for those who had lost a father.
Instead of my facebook feed being full of best wishes to dads out there, it became flooded with blog after blog of reasons why, out of respect for those who have lost a dad, we shouldn't celebrate it so loudly.

There are a lot of reasons why celebrating Father's Day to some people is hard. Some people's Fathers were not great, some left too soon, others never got the opportunity to be fathers at all. I do respect that. But I think it's all the more reason to celebrate the dads out there that are just doing their best.

There are so many dad jobs in this world that get overlooked. So many moments in a dad's life when they scrub vomit out of the carpet, or work tirelessly on that science project. There are a million serious talks they must have, and pick ups and drop offs they have to remember. Some dads have to miss the big game because they're at work, and feel that guilt of wanting to make it up to their kids. Some of them work ridiculous hours and still find the time to read to their kids, or tickle them before they go to sleep. Even as their children grow up and leave their house and only remember to call them when they need help or money, they're still there, doing those silent jobs that they seldom get appreciated for. The world would be an awfully crummy place without dads in it.

I lost my dad 3 years ago, in my opinion way too soon. I will always miss him. I will always be sad that he's gone. But I don't ever want that to get in the way of celebrating Father's Day.
 I can still remember that he was my dad for 30 years. I can still be thankful for the time he was my dad. I don't need a look of sympathy or for people to hide the fact that they still have incredible dads in their lives. In fact  I don't want them to. I don't want for people to take away the honor that so many hard working dads out their deserve because of my grief. Dads are important, they should be honored.

Now in my household, Father's Day belongs solely to one man in my life. A man who works 40 plus hours a week and goes to school full time and still manages to make my kids feel loved and appreciated. A man who takes the time to have the hard discussions with his kids and to balance that with ridiculous amounts of kisses and cuddles and wrestles and tickles. A man who goes to every performance, every game, every special moment in my kid's lives because he knows how important it is not to miss.

So.. I'm taking back Father's Day. For Tim, and every other dad out there who's just doing the best they can. I salute you. I respect you. I honor you. Your kids...treasure you. This is your day, nobody can or should take that away from you.

Our vow renewal: 10 years and still in love

I know that there have been a lot of naysayers out there about vow renewals. I realize that being married for 10 years is nothing in the grand scheme of forever after. But for our vow renewal, it wasn't really about having a new "wedding" although there were many things we did differently. It wasn't even about starting over, it was about acknowledging that ten years later, after a lot of life lived in a short amount of time, that we still genuinely love (and like) each other.

It was also about strengthening the commitment we made to each other when we hadn't really experienced the bumps and bruises of life. When we couldn't even possibly understand the promises we were making to each other, or how they would be tested. In Ten short years we have had a whole lot of life come crashing down on us and still, with God's help, we have remained united. This day among family and friends was a reminder of that.

Our kids were also a huge part of the equation. They have asked us so many times to recount our wedding. We felt that it was important for them to see that we are in love, that we are committed to one another and to our family. We tried to include them in every way we knew how. Making sure that they understood how valuable their presence was and the reasoning behind it.

We had them each walk us down the aisle and then walk back with us when it was all finished. We wanted them to know that this was also about them.

 

We have always loved the charm of the Diestelhorst Bridge in Redding and originally wanted it to be the charming backdrop to our festivities. When the opportunity came up, we rented the bridge out so that we could seal our vows at sunset with this being our view.

The theme was rustic charm, and there was lots of it on the bridge. We had white painted shutters as the "alter" and a burlap wreath along with lanterns and white flowers for added charm.

We said our vows in front of a small group of close family and friends as the sun was setting and were blessed by them also making the commitment to pray for and encourage us in our marriage.

 And they all prayed for us, which, if you have ever experienced is overwhelming. We felt very loved.

We wanted to remember everyone who came, so we had them each frame themselves overlooking the river.

And the consensus was made that we pretty much have the goofiest and most fun family and friends ever.


After that... it was time to party. And party we did. We moved to the end of the bridge where our rustic reception was awaiting us. Complete with down home treats and a Smores bar! I enjoyed crafting many of the items used for the renewal and especially took an interest in the chalk marker typography used for the menu. Super fun! And my dear friend Corrie comissioned her husband to make some awesome rustic crates for the event out of pallets.

And, of course, we included bugspray because when you're on the river you can't go without!

 

 

We also created a little snapshot scavenger hunt to encourage guests to snap pictures we might have missed.

We never got to have a first dance the first time around, so it was fun to have one this time. We had fun making a spotify playlist of music for the reception together. It kept the party lively.

As the sun began to retreat into the mountains, the party took on a new romantic glow. With a breathtaking view like that it was the perfect setting for slow dancing.

We also let our 6-year-old son have a camera to give his own perspective of the ceremony. I was amazed when I looked at them just what it was that he saw. Here are a few of my favorites:

It was magical. And then it came to a close. We loved every minute of it and were so happy that we were able to celebrate with the ones we love. I enjoyed sharing this with you as it was a labor of 6 months of hot glue, paint, and love. I hope you enjoyed it as well.

Love is everywhere

Valentines Day: I struggled with what to write on this subject. You see, I'm in love. On this special day 13 years ago, I went on a first date with a man that would end up being my life-long love. But I have struggled with talking about it because I know there are a lot of people out there that are not in love, or lost a love, or want to find love but haven't, or have given up on love. I get that. I really do. Actually, my heart breaks for those people. Most of whom, are very very close to me. And it is because of those people that I struggle with talking about the love that I have for my husband. Maybe a little more than I should.

But it is because there are fewer and fewer examples of love in my life that I feel like I want to shout it from the rooftops. I am THANKFUL. I am sooo soo thankful for this love.

10 years ago, I had an engagement ring on my finger and was feverishly planning a wedding. I had thought of this wedding, dreamed of this wedding, half planned this wedding from the time I could walk. I would sketch out my dream wedding dress in doodle notes in my tenth grade biology notebook. I stayed awake all night sometimes at my best friend's house in 4th grade just dreaming of what the ceremony would look like. And when the day I had been planning, dreaming, hoping, and wishing for finally came... it wasn't exactly what I had pictured. You see, my wedding day was not my favorite day. For a million little reasons, when I look back on that day it is not filled with happiness, or much joy. More relief than anything, that it was over...behind me. And the day after my wedding day when I was a bawling mess on the airport floor as I thought back to how difficult the disappointment was to swallow, my brand new shiny husband said, "Don't worry baby, we will do it again, and next time it will be different."

You see, on that day when everything seemed to go wrong, there was one face that I saw, one choice that I made, two words that I said that were the best dang thing I have ever done in the entirety of my existence: I married Tim Warkentin.

Because love isn't about a fairytale, or a beautiful dress, or the perfect centerpieces, love is all the days afterwards when you're holding your very hurt child in a hospital room with tubes sticking out of him and your husband gives up the only seat in the room for HOURS so you can hold your baby. Love is leaving a very important meeting at work to help your stranded wife with a flat tire. Love is remembering what I don't like on my subway sandwhich.  Love is getting up with the children on a Saturday to let  me sleep in. Love is not being able to concentrate at work and coming straight home to smooth over an argument we had the night before. Love is remembering to feed your wife when she is so distraught with grief over the death of her father that she forgot to eat. Love is encouraging me to follow my dreams and pursue my gifts, even if that means you have to stay home and hold the fort down. Love is a joke you heard that you saved for when you knew I'd really need to hear it. Love is a million cooked dinners, piles of laundry washed, and dishes loaded without ever being asked to do so. And this love is what I celebrate today. This Valentine does all these things and abundantly more because.... he loves me.

And it is this love that we have decided not to hide, or shun but to celebrate; to nurture and to commit to grow further. Two days after our tenth wedding anniversary, we will celebrate by renewing our vows to one another and to God. Because let's be honest, at 2am when tempers are high, sometimes you really really forget the vows you made to each other. They are important, they mean something. They are not to be taken lightly, or to forget about and I for one am excited to be able to further commit and see what kind of wild and amazing adventures the next 50 years of marriage hold for us.

So here's to you my love, my Valentine. I celebrate you and our love today.

"I'm in love and I don't care who knows it!"

A rocker birthday

Tim turned 30 this week. It was a rather eventful week. I planned a big Rocker birthday party for him. It was pretty off the hook. My friend Lauren and I made microphone cake pops. There was a VIP lounge, a portrait studio and a wicked awesome Guitar Hero tournament. But nothing beats a night with some of your closest friends.

Tim says....

Tim says that I write too many depressing mommy blogs.

I feel like I used to be more fun, what happened? Maybe I've spent too much time in hospitals.

So I was totally going to write a blog about Elijah getting his final cast off, and what a relief it was. I was going to write about what it felt like, and how much different life was going to be from now on. But dangit all if he isn't right about being too depressing. So instead, I am going to write a blog about otter pops.

I love them. Seriously I think I will be like 95 years old and still eating otter pops. Frankly, at 95 you don't have many options, what with missing all the teeth and such. I just love how cold and fruity they are. And how I can look down on the floor and see like 50 clear wrappers and wonder "How did I eat so many?". I think living in Redding has really brought on my otter pop addiction. It's the only thing that seems to make 104 degrees bareable. Well, otter pops and a pool I guess. But since I don't have a pool, I'll settle for the pops.

So while there are many things that make October a real highlight for me, the biggest being my baby's arrival, there is one thing that will make me want to prolong October as much as possible. Because when that fateful month arrives, all the Ottery Pop goodness that once flooded my world will be gone. Yes gone... with only candy corn to replace it.