Love is everywhere

Valentines Day: I struggled with what to write on this subject. You see, I'm in love. On this special day 13 years ago, I went on a first date with a man that would end up being my life-long love. But I have struggled with talking about it because I know there are a lot of people out there that are not in love, or lost a love, or want to find love but haven't, or have given up on love. I get that. I really do. Actually, my heart breaks for those people. Most of whom, are very very close to me. And it is because of those people that I struggle with talking about the love that I have for my husband. Maybe a little more than I should.

But it is because there are fewer and fewer examples of love in my life that I feel like I want to shout it from the rooftops. I am THANKFUL. I am sooo soo thankful for this love.

10 years ago, I had an engagement ring on my finger and was feverishly planning a wedding. I had thought of this wedding, dreamed of this wedding, half planned this wedding from the time I could walk. I would sketch out my dream wedding dress in doodle notes in my tenth grade biology notebook. I stayed awake all night sometimes at my best friend's house in 4th grade just dreaming of what the ceremony would look like. And when the day I had been planning, dreaming, hoping, and wishing for finally came... it wasn't exactly what I had pictured. You see, my wedding day was not my favorite day. For a million little reasons, when I look back on that day it is not filled with happiness, or much joy. More relief than anything, that it was over...behind me. And the day after my wedding day when I was a bawling mess on the airport floor as I thought back to how difficult the disappointment was to swallow, my brand new shiny husband said, "Don't worry baby, we will do it again, and next time it will be different."

You see, on that day when everything seemed to go wrong, there was one face that I saw, one choice that I made, two words that I said that were the best dang thing I have ever done in the entirety of my existence: I married Tim Warkentin.

Because love isn't about a fairytale, or a beautiful dress, or the perfect centerpieces, love is all the days afterwards when you're holding your very hurt child in a hospital room with tubes sticking out of him and your husband gives up the only seat in the room for HOURS so you can hold your baby. Love is leaving a very important meeting at work to help your stranded wife with a flat tire. Love is remembering what I don't like on my subway sandwhich.  Love is getting up with the children on a Saturday to let  me sleep in. Love is not being able to concentrate at work and coming straight home to smooth over an argument we had the night before. Love is remembering to feed your wife when she is so distraught with grief over the death of her father that she forgot to eat. Love is encouraging me to follow my dreams and pursue my gifts, even if that means you have to stay home and hold the fort down. Love is a joke you heard that you saved for when you knew I'd really need to hear it. Love is a million cooked dinners, piles of laundry washed, and dishes loaded without ever being asked to do so. And this love is what I celebrate today. This Valentine does all these things and abundantly more because.... he loves me.

And it is this love that we have decided not to hide, or shun but to celebrate; to nurture and to commit to grow further. Two days after our tenth wedding anniversary, we will celebrate by renewing our vows to one another and to God. Because let's be honest, at 2am when tempers are high, sometimes you really really forget the vows you made to each other. They are important, they mean something. They are not to be taken lightly, or to forget about and I for one am excited to be able to further commit and see what kind of wild and amazing adventures the next 50 years of marriage hold for us.

So here's to you my love, my Valentine. I celebrate you and our love today.

"I'm in love and I don't care who knows it!"