The Shopping Cart Debacle

Those of you who read my blogs regularily know that I do use them to rant about the world's injustices and oddities. So, in the risk of sounding a lot like Jerry Seinfeld I prose this question:
What is the deal with people and shopping carts?

I went to the grocery store yesterday to fill my weekly food quota and was met with an array of aisle-hoggers and speed demons. Seriously people, what is up with the irresponsible shopping cart driving?

Have you ever been in an aisle with an aisle hogger? Ya know, it's that lady who always has to walk down the middle of the aisle- not the side, and goes like 1.5 miles an hour? I feel they should be made to wear flashers and one of those annoying beeping devices. Maybe throw in a big yellow construction hat that says " I know you're trying to get past me....but I don't care. I have nothing better to do with my time then to decide which jar of peanut butter is cheaper. Just deal with it."

What about the race car drivers? You know, the people that think they're in the Indie 500. You're pushing your cart along, minding your own business when suddenly this man who clearly decided he was going to go grocery shopping in 12 minutes flat stands behinds you and huffs. Now you know he's agitated and it's making you stressed out. You can't remember what kind of oil you were supposed to get: was it peanut oil, what about canola? Oh crap-this guy is breathing down your neck... and that's all you can think about. Suddenly he sees a very small opening between you and the aisle and says "EXCUSE ME!!" and pushes your cart to the side knocking down that huge display of Crisco... which, you then remember, happens to be the kind of oil you were looking for.

I am intrigued by the soccer-mom cart driver. I love how they play chicken with people in the aisle. It's almost like they're saying "Look I've got 3 kids and 500 pounds of food in this cart, do you really want to mess with me?" They are the only shopping cart drivers who can actually use their cart as a weapon. Do you know there are more accidents caused by soccer-mom shopping cart drivers then by any major Airline pilot? Go ahead, check the statistics, I think you'll agree.

There's always the James Bond driver. Even though he owns a car and has driven for 25 years, he still feels the need to drive on the right side of the aisle because.... well frankly he's never been to England and he just wanted to see what it was like to drive on the other side of the road for a change.

My favorite is the 10-year-old driver. The kid who gets so antsy that his mother lets him drive the cart just to shut him up? I love those kids, always pushing the cart way to fast so they can jump on the wheels and use them as breaks when suddenly.... they crash into your ankles. "Ooopse sorry lady" . You want to strangle him, but ofcourse you don't because 2 seconds later he crashes into the aisle hogging lady in front of you... and that gratifies you emmensley :)

The point is, there are rules people. There are simple unwritten guidelines about shopping cart use. And if people do not start following these rules, I may have to take things into my own hands. Watch out congress... here I come!!!