Dear Elijah:
When did you get to be so big? I feel like I have literally blinked and overnight you have become this thoughtful, intelligent conversationalist with opinions and feelings and the ability to express them. That is an amazing thing to me, an awe-inspiring thing. It's been a hard summer for you. You've learned a lot about yourself this year and this summer it all came to a head as you've been struggling with how to handle it. We talked a lot about it over hot summer days. You've shared how frustrated you get that you can't do things sometimes. You've talked about how it makes you feel when kid after kid after kid repeatedly asks you why you look so different. I've watched you handle it. And bud, you handle it so well. You just tell them plainly that you were born that way, and then you go on your merry way as if you were simply telling them why your eyes are blue. You are tough. But I know that it's still a hard thing to do. And it puts a lump in my throat everytime.
When did you get to be so big? I feel like I have literally blinked and overnight you have become this thoughtful, intelligent conversationalist with opinions and feelings and the ability to express them. That is an amazing thing to me, an awe-inspiring thing. It's been a hard summer for you. You've learned a lot about yourself this year and this summer it all came to a head as you've been struggling with how to handle it. We talked a lot about it over hot summer days. You've shared how frustrated you get that you can't do things sometimes. You've talked about how it makes you feel when kid after kid after kid repeatedly asks you why you look so different. I've watched you handle it. And bud, you handle it so well. You just tell them plainly that you were born that way, and then you go on your merry way as if you were simply telling them why your eyes are blue. You are tough. But I know that it's still a hard thing to do. And it puts a lump in my throat everytime.
The truth is, you aren't different because of any physical difference. You're different than most kids because of your heart. It's truly a servants heart, a tender heart, a sweetheart....my sweetheart. Your generosity, your warmth, your willingness to help others is a gift Elijah; a gift. A gift that most people will never have the capacity to understand. But it also makes you a sensitive little soul. And that's what made walking into first grade this year tough.
This year, you knew what you were walking into. You knew that you would have to explain things all over again to 30 new people.You knew you would have to adjust to the ever-growing demands they place on 6-year-olds and that you would have to rise to the occasion. You knew that there would be things you have to do differently than others, and that made you nervous. I could feel your little heart fluttering as you sat down. And though we had rehearsed what you would do and say for months, the nervousness overwhelmed you and we both had a good cry at your desk.
Gosh Elijah, I try to be tough for you and to show you that you are capable of doing anything you set your mind to (which, by the way you totally are) but it is almost impossible to be strong when you look up at me with those beautiful turquoise eyes filled with tears. It's hard to let you go when I know you will face so many challenges I can't protect you from. I hate it I hate it I hate it! Why can't I? But it's not my job to shelter you from every question or comment that would reach your ears and I have to remind myself of that. It's my job to show you how to handle it with grace and sincerity and kindness and heart.
And even though it was hard to walk out of that classroom and let you do things on your own, you did eventually work through it and the transition has been challenging but good for you. I'm proud of you my little first grader. You are truly a wonder to behold.
Love,
Mama
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