Surgery Number 3

Tomorrow morning we set out to make the all-too-familiar trip to Sacramento. Elijah's 3rd surgery at Shriner's is happening and it's a biggie. They are straightening his arm and hand and putting him back in that famous big blue cast. 

I often get asked similar questions about the process, and my feelings about it. I thought I would take the time to address those questions now.

No, it doesn't get easier to watch him go through it each time. 

I actually dread today, the day before, when I bathe him and put his clothes on him and put him to bed. I can't tell him what's going to happen tomorrow, or even let on that I am terribly nervous about the whole thing. I hate the sickening feeling I have in my stomach all night, and I never sleep. 

Yes, it is hard to give him to the nurses and wave goodbye to him.

It is never easy to let him go and give him to the surgical team. They whisk him away as fast as they can, but he always cries knowing he is no longer in my arms. And I can usually hear him crying all the way down the hallway. That pretty much kills me. I think it kills me because things are no longer in my hands, I can't protect him or keep him safe. 

But, I do think that being able to give him to the Lord, and know that he is in God's hands is so helpful. God took care of Elijah long before he was ever put in my arms. And when he is taken out of my arms, I know God is still taking care of him. He watches every tube they put in him, every incision they make. He keeps my baby's eyes closed, happily dreaming and watches over each breath he takes. It's a huge relief to give up that worry to the Lord, and not to have to hold it in my hands.

No, it isn't easy to watch him be in so much pain.

When they call you in the waiting room and tell you he's in recovery, you become about 10 pounds lighter. Most times I find myself running down the hall to see him. I am greeted by a puffy and bewildered cry; it's not my favorite thing, but I give him a smile and start talking to him. I actually have a really good-natured baby, so he handles things really well. 

Being in the post-op recovery room is not a fun place to be. There are usually 4 other children coming out of surgery at the same time, and some mothers cannot bear watching their children so beaten up. Sometimes I hear them crying through the thin curtains seperating us and I just want to run over and hug them.  It's hard to be brave, especially when your children are hurt. But it's also a great place to show God's love, and I really want to work on doing a better job of that. The hospital is where people need it the most.

Yes, even in a hospital there can be fun times.

Some of the most memorable times have been sitting next to Elijah's bed in the hospital. Watching him giggle and be silly, just hours after a big surgery lifts our spirits. And sitting in the rocker, just holding him, talking to him, singing to him has been really awesome. I mean, how often do you get to do that with an on-the-go toddler? Tim pulls out the funniest things to say, and we tell Elijah stories about the first time we met eachother. We watch Veggie-tales till late at night and just chill together. I actually don't mind that part. If I have to be stuck in a hospital, I'm glad it's with my boys.

This is a picture of Elijah Cole just 4 weeks after he was born. His hands were so badly turned in, we weren't sure if he could ever be whole. This is the picture I look at when I don't feel like dragging myself to the hospital, or making those pre-op arrangements. Because I know, this is the reason why we are doing this.