The not-so-good days

I debated on whether or not to show this picture. It's a very private part of our lives, something that most people would shutter at, or turn away from. But I feel that it's neccessary in order to accurately explain what we're going through right now.

The last few days have been harder than I had anticipated, or hoped really. Listening to my child's excrutiating pain has been a test. Just picking him up, or moving him, or sometimes randomly he just starts this ear piercing, gut wrenching scream. The kind of scream reserved for kid's falling out of trees and breaking their legs, or getting huge gashes in their heads from hitting concrete. It's a scream I really would be happy if I never heard again in my life. Yet each day, there it is.

Today, I finally broke from hearing it for so long and just bawled along with him. I had to give him a bath and take out all of his blood-soaked dressings. That part wasn't so bad, until I saw all the pins sticking through his arms. And as I stood there, just weeping for my sweet baby boy, I suddenly thought about my Jesus.

I thought about how badly it hurt to see my baby in pain, and how much it must hurt the Lord to watch us suffer. To see us stray from his side, or to watch us go through bad times. How much he must want to scoop us in his arms and take it all away, though he knows we have to go through it to make us stronger.

I think about how much it must have hurt HIS hands to be nailed to a cross, what kind of screams he must have let out. But he did all of that, just to be with us. It's a powerful thing to recognize.

Sometimes I catch myself asking God, "Why would you let this happen to such a sweet little boy?" But I stop myself before I can finish it, because... I know why. It's because of days like this, when God speaks through Elijah; to me, and to everyone around him.

Lord I thank you for the good days, and the not-so-good days. I thankyou that you're standing right beside me, holding my hand through everyday... even when I feel so alone.