Mall People

I find it most interesting to go shopping at the mall on a Thursday. Sales people are so different then.... more rude.

So I went in with my stroller and I was on a mission to find some good sales. First stop: Old Navy. I found some really great sales on little boy clothes, so I snatched them up quick, breezing past 2 employees who were supposed to be folding clothes, but were really talking about how bombed they got last night. I get to the front with my purchase and, ofcourse, am met with a smile and a, "Will you be using your Old Navy Card today?"

Me: "I don't have one, and I am not interested in one thankyou."Sales girl: "Why not? You can save 10% on your purchase today"

Me: "10% isn't really anything, and besides these clothes are already on sale"Sales girl: "I'm just saying, you can really save a lot with the Old Navy Card."

Me: "I don't think it's possible to 'save a lot' when you own a credit card. One day when you're older, you will understand that." Relentless I tell you. Meanwhile a highschool employee at the counter is literally throwing a fit about having to work this weekend because she wants to go on a trip with her friends. At this point, Elijah was looking more mature than the Old Navy girls, so I spring to another store.I think about the fact that I am almost out of body spray and procede, with caution, to Bath and Body Works.

Now I don't know how you guys play it when you get near that store, but I start to get coldsweats and an ulcer as I step through the entrance. 4.5 seconds into my journey, I am approached by a sales girl who is ready to pounce on me with the "new body spray" or some sample lotion. I keep my head forward and the stroller in between us so she can't attack me with a new God-awful lotion. "Can I help you with anything ma'am?"
"No thankyou" I reply.
"Well, what are you looking for exactly?" (Man these girls are viscously good)
"I am looking for some travel body spray, but don't worry... I found it." (They're good, but I'm better).

SIDENOTE on Bath and Bodyworks: One of the MANY jobs I have had was as a sales girl at bath and body works. The main reason I quit, besides the controlling, all-powerful manager (which I will get to in a moment) was the pushy sales. You buy 3 things, they try to get you to buy 5. You always end up coming out of there with $100 of stuff you don't really need and certainly couldn't possibly use. It made me feel gross, and I couldn't live with myself at that job. But working there, taught me all their sales tactics. So I have developed strategic maneuvres and covert ops to go around their famous pushy sales people.

BACK TO THE STORY: While I am making my speedy and stealthy move to the $3 body sprays, I come across a familiar face. My old manager. Ofcourse I look extremely different, and she is too self-involved anyway to recognize me. She flies past me, grabs the poor helpless sales girl, and says in her mall accent (which I will also get to in a second) "Yeah, Okaai I'm gonna need you to go ov'air to the food court and get me some food. I am railly staarving, so I'm gonna need you to leave like, now, Okaai?"

The sales girl rushes out of the store, and I leave with great haste as well. It sickens me how managers at stores like that think they own the universe. They get their little slave people to run personal errands for them all the time, and talk on the phone to their boyfriends. It's so pathetic. And the sad thing is, this lady is at least in her mid 30's. This is her career, and her life. It makes me sad, but also like I might throw up a little in my mouth.

SIDENOTE 2 "Mall Accents" :Now, as I mentioned before, the manager was talking in a mall accent. Has anyone ever noticed the accents people develop in the mall? Now it's not everyone, mostly just the hoity-toity sales people who work at the higher end stores. They start to talk on one side of their mouth and all of their A's end up turning to I's, like they have 2 clothes pins pinching their cheeks. It really makes them look ridiculous, but it's also quite humorous to listen to.

Anyways, I was on my way back to the parking lot, I had had enough of the Mt. Shasta mall for one day, when I strolled past Macy's. There is nothing like the overpowering scent of some overpriced perfume and the death stares of the plastic women dressed in black at the Mac counter to make you feel inferior. Everytime I walk past there I attempt to walk in, but get as far as the door before one of the plastics, like a bouncer at a club, looks my "mom outfit" up and down and rolls their eyes at me. Like you have to be on the cover of US weekly to be able to shop at Macy's.
S
o, defeated once again, I slump down and slowly walk to the exit. But as I do, I hear one of the plastics say to a customer, "Wiiow, thait eyeshaidow looks faaaaaabulous on you." And somehow, hearing her ridiculous mall accent makes me feel better. Maybe I don't wear all black and have perfect hair and makeup, but at least I talk like a human.
Another successful shopping trip at the mall on a weekday. Successful because we survived it.