Your lack of enthusiasm is underwhelming

Of all the things I fear the most, I think meeting new people is right up there on the list. The awkward pauses, trying to find commonalities, just getting to know someone.

But I am pretty sure that my fear is mainly produced by those who have no desire to GET TO KNOW me. I don’t know how many of you guys out there have ever felt this way, but it always seems to be when I try my hardest to push through the awkwardness and really attempt to get to know someone that I am overlooked or ignored alltogether. And I think that is what hurts the most, because I actually really tried to put myself out there.

Lately, I have really begun to see these traits in the christian community. And, that breaks my heart. Not really for myself so much, but for those who honestly are seeking God.

Perhaps they’ve never been to church and are "trying it out", only to be ignored by those around them, too busy hanging out with their "christian friends." Or maybe someone who has been hurt badly by the church and has come back because they felt the Lord tugging at their heart. It is amazing to me how we, as a christian community, not only can overlook these people, but can outright condemn them.

I felt just a tiny bit of what that must feel like for them this morning, and I have to say... it stings. I see why some people wouldn’t want to come to church. It certainly made me think twice about going.

For those people, and anyone else out there that has felt overlooked when trying to reach out, I just wanted to say this, "Christ died for sinners, of which I am the worst."

I am sure in my perfect little bubble of insecurity I have probably done this to hundreds of people. And I would like to publically apologise if I have offended you or anyone else you know by doing this. I so very badly misrepresented my God. And I hope that you won’t let my failures inhibit you from a relationship with Christ.

I long to seek out deep, and meaningful personal relationships. It is something that has been on my heart. And today, I was reminded of how difficult that can be sometimes. To stand up in front of people and shout from the rooftops "This is who I am" is a scary thing. I hope I won’t let it hinder me from doing it, or others from doing it to me.