Entitled "Girl with no direction" I reflected on how my life really had no meaning or purpose. Our society puts such emphasis on drive and ambition and finding out what you want to do, and there I was just totally lost- no direction. As I was playing that song, with my children happily playing alongside of me I realized that song did not apply to my life anymore.
I can remember so vividly praying for answers, for purpose, for direction. I can remember being so lost, and being so terribly embarrassed about being lost. But the truth is I had not yet been introduced to my purpose yet. I know it sounds weird, I mean I'm not a lawyer, or a teacher. I'm never going to make 100k a year and live in a fancy house. But I have never been more content in my life. I have purpose in the form of two little boys (and one little girl on the way). They are the reason I wake up in the morning, the reason for my existence. I KNOW I was made for them.
.JPG)
They do not drag me down, they are not just another thing I as a woman am expected to do. They are really, my life. And I am so pleased with my life.
There is a woman whom I know who has been a mother for 28 years. She has 6 kids (4 real, 2 step) and her last "baby" is just leaving the nest soon. Yet, she is constantly taking care of her children. She helps them with their tax forms, and their insurance claims. Gives them advice about college, and marriage and when they should see a doctor about that strange rash. For her, it's not only a commitment she made to raise them until they left the home- it was a lifetime commitment. She will be a mother until the day she dies; her legacy will live on through her grandchildren and her great grandchildren.
That's the kind of mom I want to be. The one who never stops being a mom. I want my children to know that I will always be there for them, even when it's annoying. I look forward to each and every stage of this career path I've chosen. My measure of success is not based on money or things, it's based on love and commitment. And that's something I can be proud of.
3 comments:
beautiful.
very much so.
Regarding this mother of whom you speak, I can attest to a few additional qualities she has. She is, without a doubt, the single most loving and altruistic person I have ever met. She gladly gives of herself until there is nothing left, and then continues to give because it is simply not in her nature to do otherwise. Sometimes it is to her detriment, though never so to those whom she so freely gives of her love, time, and energy. I often worry about her for that very reason.
The wonderful thing is that not only is she the type of mother that you describe, she is also my wife. Those very same qualities, of loving and giving so deeply, exist in her for me as well. And so she does. It is all I can do to try and return all that she gives to me, but I doubt that I will ever be able to do so. I fear that I simply have not been created as selfless as she, and for that I am disappointed. Still, I hope that I do lift her up as she deserves, and I think that I do. I will always keep trying.
To top it all off, this amazing lady is a true Panglossian. She simply refuses to be anything but optimistic about everything. If it weren't for her, I surely would be stuck in the dark abyss known as my own personal selfishness that inevitably leads to cynicism. God truly blessed me with this woman, who so perfectly compliments me and makes me a better man in all ways.
I could continue on with compliment upon compliment, but I think that you can see that I agree with you completely :-)
And Erin, I believe you will be the mom that you'd like to be. It may not be as a mother of 6, but of 3. But as a loving and Godly mom, those children will all be blessed by your presence in their lives.
Thanks for writing this blog, Erin. I think you may have told me about that song somewhere in the past...? I don't know. Anyway, I really identified with this, because I'm in the place now you were several years ago. Completely directionless, desperate for a goal or a purpose or a vision or SOMEthing. I'm glad to know that you found it and there's hope.
Post a Comment