Mom reflections

A friend of mine posted a video on facebook today about being a mother. It was an interesting premise: What would you tell yourself before you had your first child? There are so many things.

I'm pretty sure I would say most of what these moms did. But the biggest, most surprising one I think would be "You will miss your mom". I really do.

What would YOU tell yourself?

Actual Erin Thoughts September 18, 2010

*Is it just me, or does premier week for new television shows start later and later in the fall each year?

*The Redding Panda Express "discontinued" sweet and sour pork. Everywhere else did not. How do you discontinue such a popular thing? They're just lazy.

*Forget team Edward or team Jacob, in my home it's Team Buzz vs. Team Woody. I'm partial to Woody, Eli does not agree.

*Football season has started. I am refraining from making a sarcastic comment.

*I'm going to my 10 year reunion tonight. I think it would be really funny if I went into labor during the event. I would totally be a CELEBRITY.

*When I was in the 9th grade, I was kind of chunky. I worked hard all year and ended up losing a ton of weight. Then awards night came at my school, and I saw that I had been awarded the "Most improved in P.E." award. Which is pretty much a "Congratulations, you're not fat anymore" award. There was a plaque and everything, which I had to stand up and accept in front of the whole school.

*I say "dude" a lot. I don't know why.

*Everytime I see Lady Gaga's meat dress she wore at the VMA's I get a real hankerin' for some barbeque.

Things they never teach you in college

When I started my college career, I was a young and naive 18-year-old. I was told that I needed to go to college to make something of myself. So I obeyed and signed on the dotted line, not thinking about the amount of money I was agreeing to one day pay.

I, like so many other suckers out there, was decieved into thinking that Sallie Mae was a great loan company willing to take a chance on a young girl with no credit history at all. Here I am 10 years later, very very sorry I ever signed that document.

Because of that signature I have had to endure years of constant calling, harrassing, and verbal threats from good Ole' Sallie mae. They have screwed up my bank account and my credit. They have done irreprable damage to me, but all that was nothing compared to the message I got tonight.

As some of you may know, I have changed my voicemail to reflect my current pregnant state. In it, I explain that sometimes I can't always get to the phone because I'm 8 months pregnant and have 2 kids. So, when Sallie Mae called me tonight, like most nights they call, I saw that I got a voicemail. Now usually I just ignore it, but tonight was something very different. Tonight one of Sallie Mae's little minions proceeded to mock me, insult me, and threaten me because of my pregnant voicemail.

I really am unsure how in the world people like that can get away with being horrible little monsters, but for some reason...they do. Why Sallie Mae couldn't have gone down in flames like all the other companies over the last 2 years I don't know. But now instead of being annoyed once again by their phone call, I'm insulted, hurt and a little afraid.

Guitar epiphanies

I pulled out the old guitar yesterday and had a jam session with my boys. One played the kazoo, the other the cymbals. We had a ball. While playing, I was inspired to whip out my song book; a book of poems and songs I have written over the years. It was fun to play songs that had such intense emotion and feeling and to remember the place I was in my life when I wrote them. One in particular was quite interesting.

Entitled "Girl with no direction" I reflected on how my life really had no meaning or purpose. Our society puts such emphasis on drive and ambition and finding out what you want to do, and there I was just totally lost- no direction. As I was playing that song, with my children happily playing alongside of me I realized that song did not apply to my life anymore.

I can remember so vividly praying for answers, for purpose, for direction. I can remember being so lost, and being so terribly embarrassed about being lost. But the truth is I had not yet been introduced to my purpose yet. I know it sounds weird, I mean I'm not a lawyer, or a teacher. I'm never going to make 100k a year and live in a fancy house. But I have never been more content in my life. I have purpose in the form of two little boys (and one little girl on the way). They are the reason I wake up in the morning, the reason for my existence. I KNOW I was made for them.

They do not drag me down, they are not just another thing I as a woman am expected to do. They are really, my life. And I am so pleased with my life.

There is a woman whom I know who has been a mother for 28 years. She has 6 kids (4 real, 2 step) and her last "baby" is just leaving the nest soon. Yet, she is constantly taking care of her children. She helps them with their tax forms, and their insurance claims. Gives them advice about college, and marriage and when they should see a doctor about that strange rash. For her, it's not only a commitment she made to raise them until they left the home- it was a lifetime commitment. She will be a mother until the day she dies; her legacy will live on through her grandchildren and her great grandchildren.

That's the kind of mom I want to be. The one who never stops being a mom. I want my children to know that I will always be there for them, even when it's annoying. I look forward to each and every stage of this career path I've chosen. My measure of success is not based on money or things, it's based on love and commitment. And that's something I can be proud of.

This is the Day...

I'm NOT a morning person. Actually, that's really quite an understatement. In fact it takes every ounce of patience and love I have to wake up every morning with a smile on my face and listen to the little chatter around the kitchen table. Usually, every morning I make toast, or oatmeal or something for the kids and complain and grumble in my head the WHOLE time.

Lately, Elijah has really been on a singing kick. And every morning while I am standing at the counter, grumbling in my head I hear a sweet little voice singing "This is the day, that the Lord has made. I will rejoice in be glad in it."

I think it's God's little way of reminding me to check my attitude. I mean, how can you be in a bad mood when you hear that? Really? It really is the day that the Lord has made, and I really should be rejoicing and be glad in it. I love it when God teaches me things by using my kids. It really kicks me in the pants.