In two days our tough little 2-year-old has his 4th surgery. While all of the surgeries have been difficult, this one in particular has been the one I've been most looking forward to, and dreading at the same time. This surgery called a Pollicization is where they will cut his little thumb on his right hand that doesn't work and create a thumb using his index finger.
It sounds exciting, I think about all the opportunities he will have opened up for him, all the little things in life that will be made so much easier once he has a thumb. But a part of me also mourns the loss of this tiny little thumb that has been a part of his hand for so long.
It's silly really, because it has never really worked and has been nothing but a bother to him, getting caught in his sleeves. But it's still a piece of my baby's body. A piece that grew inside my body, a piece that I've held a thousand times, kissed a thousand times, looked at a thousand times. Isn't it silly to be so attached to something that is so ineffective? But, I can't help it. It's a part of...him. So, I am holding it for the last few times, memorizing it and saying goodbye to it.
I am trying to think of it more as saying hello to a new thumb, a more effective thumb. Something that will help him write, and open door knobs and lift glasses and a thousand other things that we all take for granted.
It's not easy, I am not looking forward to trying to explain things to him. To watching his confused and terrified face as they carry him away. But I am praying that the Lord gives him courage and peace and that when he wakes up, his whole life will be different.
Thank you Jesus for this hand you've given my baby, and for the new hand you're going to give him.
4 comments:
/teary eyes
I can only imagine what that was like. I could relate to your words...even though I couldn't.
Godspeed to Lijah getting better, and getting to use that thumb!
It's hard to even know what words to use. You're in my prayers Erin- you and your amazing little boy. Love you more than I can say!
Erin, Hearing about E's surgery made me cry. Not 100% sure why, but the idea of loosing part of him, even for the better, is just sad to me. I will be praying like mad for him and you and Tim.
I feel so blessed to live in a world where Doctors can give precious babies new thumbs! My sister in laws, litter sister had her little nub thumb removed and her index finger put in place of her thumb. It is a miracle indeed what they can do!
I mourn for you as Mommy, it will hurt that beautiful boy, but the benefits will be outstanding! Elijah is going to be stronger than all of us when he grows up. He is going to do great things!
I am praying for you little man... and mama too!
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