Okay, so you knew I was going to have to write a blog about this at some point. I am sure by now, you are probably all-too-familiar with the over-publicized, ever-growing Duggar family. The story of Jim-Bob and Michelle Duggar and their 18 kids. I have to admit, I do watch the show. I think it is sort of like driving by a train-wreck that you just have to stop and look at.
Don't get me wrong, I fully believe in raising a family with Christian values, and instilling modesty and character in children. However, I feel differently about the WAY the Duggars choose to do it. Many an evening you can find me yelling at my TV screen, or shaking my head in disbelief at some of their practices.
I was really shaking my head last night when I decided to tune in and watch A Very Duggar Wedding. It was the story of their oldest son; Joshua who at a mere 20 years old got married to a girl he had only met a few times at a homeschool convention (holding back my sarcasm). With only a few heavily supervised dates, and a strict no-kissing policy, they took the plunge and made a life-long commitment to one another.
Though I found their commitment to not kiss until their wedding day sweet (and a familiar practice among believers) it seemed to have made the anticipation of the day even more intense. The sexual tension played a HUGE role in their day, and I felt almost took away from the lifelong commitment they had made to one another. Growing up in the christian community, I have seen many people make the commitment to save themselves for marriage, as is God's plan for that union. But in anticipation for that sexual intimacy, young believers often make the commitment to marry too soon, and for the wrong reasons, which has unfortunately led to a high divorce rate.Watching antsy Josh Duggar salivate over his young bride made me wonder if he really was ready for the responsibility that came with marriage, and not just the perks. What also made me cringe a bit was what they put in their wedding vows. A commitment to God and to eachother to let him choose the timing and how many children they would have. Again, do not misunderstand me, I firmly believe in God choosing the timing of our children. The child that I am currently carrying in my belly is a firm testament to that fact. However, I believe that God can choose when he wants a child to be born regardless of what means we take to prevent it, and therefore see no reason to not be responsible sexually.
This commitment that they put in their vows, and that the Duggar parents not only share but instill in their children does not seem to be a very healthy one. And can really put a strain on a marriage, especially a young marriage, when it is unneccessary.
Otherwise, the wedding seemed sweet and very traditional. The no-drinking, no-dancing rules that they placed on the event were pretty stereotypical. I mean heck, my wedding had those rules too. But it was the explanation they gave for those rules that made me chuckle, and wag my finger at.
When asked why the no drinking at the reception, the bride's father explained, "When Jesus was at the wedding and turned water into wine, it wasn't really wine, it was just grape juice". Hmmm.... I don't think re-writing scripture is something we should really be promoting, particularily on national television. Though, I can see how perhaps the apostles would have had to rewrite that story "Jesus turns the water into grape juice" doesn't exactly have the same ring to it.
I was not dissappointed in my decision to watch the show last night as it gave me great blogging material. I wish Josh and Anna all the best and hope that they can live up to the commitment they made to one another at such a young age.
17 comments:
Eeek! Whenever this show pops up on the tube as I'm surfing, I instantly flip to the next channel. I just cannot get excited about watching a couple mindlessly churn out baby after baby. It is irresponsible, and hearing about their oldest boy's wedding only confirms my opinion. I'm glad you enjoyed watching it, Erin. I, too, love watching (or in the case of being on worship team, participating in) a good train wreck, but this is one that I just have to avoid. I have enough reasons to scream at my TV without adding another one :-)
Crazy! I had heard about this family but did't know much about them. I would tend to agree with you on all points.
I just heard about a couple the other day that waited a year AFTER they got married to have sex in order to make a point. Of course that point being that they didn't get married just for sex. But YIKES! That might be going too far the other way. Plus, I have to wonder, who were they trying to prove this point to?
Watching a few of the Duggar episodes, I saw where they have twisted facts around to suit their belief system. Like the "grape juice" version of the Bible you mentioned. In one episodes one of the older siblings explained the little ones weren't dancing, they were "jumping around to the music" in the toy section of a store.
One of the biggest convolution of facts is they claim personal initmate moments like proposing marriage, first kiss, giving birth, etc. are so "special" (one of their favorite words) yet they seem to have no compunction about exploiting these moments for the almighty dollar. Very hypocritical of them, IMHO.
They tout being "debt-free" but only because they use every tax deduction loophole they possible can (declaring their home is a church and a school, throwing in a speaking engagement so they can write off a weekend trip, etc.) and shamelessly exploiting their brainwashed children.
The Duggars live in their own little cocooned world and want to keep it that way. If you watch the episode where JimBob and Michelle go to San Francisco, it is very evident how out of touch they really are.
Now they're touting their new book, new episodes of the show, etc. The spin goes on and on - just having a load of offspring doesn't automatically qualify for all the wannabe celebrity attention.
It's admirable that they are trying to instill moral values into their children, they just take it to the extreme to the point where they are all a bit creepy.
I find it very interesting that you spend so much time on this family! I don't think the Lord would have you judge this family and what they do or dont do! We as believers need to focus on ourselves and our lives not each others! This is why the church is so divided these days! I find it rediculous that we have the time to look at others and what they should or shouldnt do but not our own! Read Matthew 7!
I think it's sad the way you write about these people like you know them. Coming from the same town that The Duggars reside and having the opportunity to meet these wonderful people makes me truly upset at the daily criticisms that they face. I understand that they have chosen to place themselves in the public eye, yet they do it all with a purpose because they know that even though there are people out there that do criticize there are also those that learn about a great and almighty god. Not for money.
Ok here it comes, my opposing view.
First, The Duggar's have told their children and their children have said that there is not pressure to have a ton of kids. They can all make up their own mind. But for Jim Bob and Michelle they felt their message was to be "children are a gift from God" and they would allow Him to give them as many children as He would like. I would say that is their calling in life, how many women now days can give birth to 18 kids, that in itself is worthy of recognition.
But here are the reasons I am a fan:
1. They are debt free. And not just because of the show! They are both licensed real estate agents, he served in the house of representatives, they have a cell phone tower on their land, and they manage lots of properties. They also live modestly. All this is honorable and more than most of us can say of ourselves. I only have three kids and have car payments, unpaid bills, and thousands in loans.
2. They start each day with family bible study and end each day with family bible study. They say God is important with their words and prove it in action. Also more than most of us can say. I am lucky if I remember to pray for a meal let alone spend time twice a day instilling the word of God in my childrens hearts, even though that is something I desire.
3. Despite have 18 kids, Jim Bob and Michelle go out on a date once a week! Again, more than most of us can say of our marriages. We are lucky if we make time for once a month.
4. They felt like God wanted them to do the show so they could share the message of what a blessing children are. A message we need to hear in a culture where children are abused, neglected, abandoned, murdered, sold for their bodies etc.
5. But what I love most is they said they would only do the show if Discovery would not edit out their faith. How many of us edit out our faith in our daily lives and they are willing to live it out loud on national TV! That is certainly more than most of us can say. A lot of my neighbors don't even know I am a Christian.
All this to say, who cares if they do some things that are "strange" or "unconventional" or "cheesy". The things that they are doing in order to glorify God are admirable and inspiring.
"sexually responsible" ? Who are we to define what that is--as long as sex is in the marriage context. You have no business saying they are irresponsible.
Their children look well cared for and happy and healthy. They encourage them to develop their talents and have the means to carry that out. I know so many people that have one or two children and have done a terrible job of raising them. I'll refrain from passing passing harsh judgment on them.
My husband and I were married at 19. By this point he had graduated from college and had his first job. It has been the most wonderful 3 years of my life and I wouldn't trade it for anything. God has chosen to bless us with two little boys and,as children are blessing,we sincerely pray that we will have a large family. The values and morals that the Duggar's teach their children are great and while we sometimes disagree on the method of achieving such values, the practices themselves are good. The Bible is very clear on a lot of things...purity is one of them. BTW, your ARE right that the passage about wine vs. grape juice is twisted. Don't quite understand the reason that lots of Christians twist this.
Psalm 127:3-5
3Sons are a heritage from the LORD,
children a reward from him.
4 Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one's youth.
5 Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their enemies in the gate.
I completely agree with the last few comments.
The Duggars are a wonderful family and while I may not agree with all their views or beliefs, I respect them and their decisions. Their children are clothed, fed, happy, respectful and LOVED.
Why the judging?
If you listened to what the priest/minister(I'm not sure what you would call him in the Duggars' religion) he said that Joshua was going to be Anna's leader and that Anna had to submit to the leadership of Joshua. Marriage is a partnership, a sacred union. No one is the leader. Whenever I have seen the show I am disgusted and the sexism of Jim Bob and now his son Joshua.
If you believe children are a blessing you should take care of each one and give them the individual attention a child needs. That is impossible with 19 children and forces the older children to take care of the younger ones. Parents should take care of their own kids and kids should be allowed to be kids. If they really cherished their children, they would take care of them.
Mr. & Mrs Duggar go on a date every week; have a second wedding/renew vows, kiss constantly (at least on TLC) and who takes care of the house and children? The 4 oldest daughters of course! They take the little ones into their dorm room when they are under a year old. More diapers, more washing, more cleaning, more cooking, more dishes. So much responsibility for these young women. Imagine the amount of work for a family of 18 children (minus Josh now) + two adults. Full time 12 hours a day. Did you know neither Jim Bob nor Michelle had responsibility for any younger sibs? Neither of them had close to the rigid rules imposed upon them that they impose upon their own children.
Pinegroves
After reading different blogs I am sad to see that some people feel some much animosity to the Duggars. Yes, with 19 children I am sure it hard to find a lot of one-on-one time. However, given that they have more time with their children than an average parent who sends their child to school outside off the home, one might think they have ample time to devote to their children. Yes the older siblings do help but honestly, that is what family is about, hoping one another so that things run smoothly. Those older daughters that everyone seems to feel so bad for seem to enjoy their lifestyle. They also have more time to themselves then some of this posts would lead one to believe. They have been seen having their own time out of the house. They also enjoy long weekends away on father-daughter retreats. That seems like good bonding time to me.
I have recently been watching more of the show as I feel like the innocence and purity that family portrays is something that is so needed in our world today. Though I believe myself to be a very independent female, I don't see there to be anything negative about a father watching over his daughter. I think portraying it to make it seem like the men think lower of the woman is an unfair idea. I don't find it to be sexism in the fact that Jim Bob teaches not only his sons but his daughters to learn to be able to work with their hands just as the boys all know how to cook and do laundry. I think many of us need to go back to a place where it was okay to be modest and not be scorned because we are different. Props to the Duggars.
Abuse and neglect are good enough reasons not to promote such idealogies on TV. Too many cannot take care of the ones they already have. Just think if two children were 19 being neglected and not raised right. Jim Bob and Michele would know some make terrible parents if they read the news. Andrea Yates followed the same beliefs. In spite of doctor warnings, the husband insisted she have more children. Those poor five children could still be alive today if warnings were heeded.It was a little more than post partum depression. Andrea believed she was saving her children from torment because of some literature. The worst part is the husband chose to ignore warnings in favor of honoring 'God'. This kind of things happen when you try to live impossible ideals.
I hate to read all of the comments that y'all have said against the Duggars. I know them personally, and they do everything they do because they believe it is God's way of doing things. As far as the wine goes, yes it could be translated as grape juice. Did you know that Welch's juice used to call grape juice unfermented wine until the early 1900's? The word wine just means juice from the vine. Most of the places in the Bible where it refers to wine, it means grape juice. In Genesis, it talks about Pharoah's cup bearer squeezing the grapes into the cup, and handing the wine to him. Do you think that that wine had time to ferment? The only time it really wine is referred to as alcohol is when it has "strong drink" with it, like in Proverbs 20:1. Also, did you know that what the Bible refers to as strong drink, and absolutely forbids, only contained a 2.6% alcohol content, which is below todays standards for something to be considered alcoholic? That passage where Jesus turned the water into wine, the governor said that usually at a wedding that they drank the new wine (the freshly squeezed grap juice) and then when they ran out, they drank the old wine (the stuff that had fermented a little), but that they saved the newest for last. I hope that this has helped to clear up a little misunderstanding with that passage, and so when Mr. Duggar said that it was grape juice in the Bible, it really was.
I think most of you who disagree with the Duggars need to first search your own life, and judge yourselves. The bible says to "Judge not, lest ye be judged yourselves." The Bible does say that children are the heritage of the Lord. Why refuse blessings from God? That is all I have to say. I could go on and on, but don't have time.
Sigh! Why so much hatred? I did a search on Michelle Duggar and your blog came up. It saddens me to read all the negative and spiteful remarks. I think when people watch the Duggars show on television and see their good qualities, it acts as a mirror. It forces people to reflect on theirselves and some people don't like what they see. So in order to make them feel better about themselves they have to talk trash about the Duggars and it somehow makes them feel better about themselves. I'm glad the Duggars are on TV because their show is so much better than all the garbage on the other channels. Michelle has 19 kids and and they are all homeschooled and they all appear happy and well rounded. She's doing something right! Oh and concerning the issue of Jesus turning the water into wine, it was unfermented grape juice. Yeast or leaven in the Bible symbolizes sin.
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