SURGERY BLUR

The last 3 days seem to be a blur of emotion and bandages. It's been quite the event for our little family and we are still in recovery mode. Tuesday night (which seems like a lifetime ago) we gave Elijah his last bath for 6 months and cuddled with him in bed. He had his monkey George to comfort him, and, ofcourse, his daddy. I think he was about the only one who slept that night- though not for lack of trying.

5 am came way too soon, and we rushed to make our 5:45 call time. Elijah was alert and friendly; making sure to flirt with every nurse. I spent the next few hours getting in all my cuddles in before the surgery. Fortunately, I didn't have to wrestle him for cuddles. Next came the time we dreaded, handing him over to the nurses. He went very willingly to them, giggling at their advances. Then came the waiting....
After 3 hours and countless text message and phone call updates to family and friends, we finally got word that we could see him. At first, he was his chipper self. Blowing kisses at us and smiling. But then the pain meds wore off. We had decided to step out and grab a bite to eat (since we hadn't eaten all day) we came back to a different baby.

I don't feel I have the right words to even explain what it is like to see your tiny baby in so much pain. To hear a cry you've never heard before- like he had to invent a new cry for how badly he was hurting. And to know that you cannot do ANYTHING to make it better. It is a truly helpless feeling. And Tim and I both looked at eachother with giant lumps in our throats. Though we really did try not to cry, because that would have freaked him out even more.

Tim let me rest a bit while he took over baby maintenance. Then I settled in for a long and very sleepless night in the hospital with our baby. He whined and whimpered through the night and no amount of morphine or codine could help him rest easy. I spent lots of hours just watching over his crib, stroking his hair and saying "it's okay baby, mommy's here."

In the dark at 3:30 when all he could do was helplessly moan, I sat and thought about how much this scenario was like our relationship with Christ. How even in our darkest times, the times we fear the most, he is right there beside us stroking our hair and saying, "It's okay baby, daddy's here." And I know that somehow He got us through the night, by some miracle.

Morning came again and with it new pain medication. Tim came to get us and the 3 of us walked out of the hospital together. We drove back home and have been in detox ever since. We are so thankful that the Lord helped us get through this time, but the thought of doing it 3 more times makes me a bit ill.